Deep State Kitchen – Fake Bread

*peeks around the corner*

Good I lost them, I don’t know who “them” is, but I lost them.

Today in the Deep State Kitchen, we are cooking “fake bread,” no, it’s not like “fake” news, which is mostly real, this is truly fake or as I call it faux bread.

This recipe was found when my husband went on a *whispers* diet.

This diet, is more a lifestyle change, versus diet, the Keto diet, which some feel is like the Atkins diet, it’s not, in so far as you can’t overload on protein either, so no endless amounts of bacon! This diet has been used for people with heart conditions, diabetes, and some children who suffer certain forms of epilepsy.

The downside, a big one, is you can’t eat bread or pasta, or rice, but bread is a big no no. So what’s a person to do, when their families go to meal is the German yummy goodness called Bierocks (beer rocks), sadly they are not made with beer, but they are simple, yeast roll stuffed with hamburger meat, cabbage, and what ever else you’d liked, yummy goodness, did I mention no bread allowed???

Anyway, bye bye yummy goodness, but wait! According to a frantic Facebook search that my hubby conducted there is possibly, maybe, an alternative, so what is this “alternative?” It’s called fathead dough, but faux bread is so much better, right, right?

The recipe comes from LowCarbMaven, who does provide information on a nut free option, but enough about her, let’s make some faux bread!

Ingredients (serving size varies by use of the dough, 2-4 estimated)

1 1/2 cup part skim shredded mozzarella cheese (you can use block mozzarella)

2 ounces cream cheese (no fat free sissy stuff the full fat kind) (in a pitch I have used ricotta cheese and it worked, given the small amount you use) (I also let the cream cheese get to room temp, it helps with the microwaving part)

1 large egg

1 1/4 (you’ll need another 1/4 cup, but more about that later) Almond Flour

1 tbsp baking powder

1 tbsp oat fiber or (2 tbsp whey protein powder) or it’s later another 1/4 cup of almond flour. (I have never used oat fiber or the whey protein)

3 sheets parchment paper (one for the baking sheet, and the other two are for rolling, this dough is very sticky, super sticky, kneading by hand is near impossible, rolling it out like regular dough requires you place the dough on one parchment sheet and then place the other over it)

Some plastic wrap (the brand doesn’t matter as long as you have some plastic wrap) (wax paper or more parchment paper work here, but plastic wrap is best)

Now that you have the ingredients it’s time to combine them.

First, take the cheese, I use a 4 cup measuring cup, and combine with the cream cheese, melt in the microwave for 1 minute, stir (I use a rubber baking spatula), then microwave again for 30 more seconds to 1 minute more.

Second, after the two cheeses are combined (melted), scrape into a food processor, you can use a hand mixer, or a kitchen aid mixer, which I have used, but ignore all the advice that you can ‘mix by hand’ you can’t, it’s a pointless endeavor.

third, add the egg, if using the food processor, mix for about a minute or two before adding the dry ingredients, if using an electric mixer, same thing, until smooth.

fourth, add the dry ingredients, (baking powder and flour) to the food processor mix until dough forms, this could be a minute to five, but should look similar to the image below

Now that we have blended all our ingredients, you will need to place the plastic wrap on the counter (plastic wrap is the bane of my existence, so to get the edge of the plastic wrap to stick to my tile, I get it wet, with barely a tsp of water, tiny amount, that won’t touch the dough, this seems to keep the plastic wrap in place.)

You’ll then use the baking spatula to scrape the sticky dough onto the plastic wrap.

For those reading this that have baked bread, you’ll be tempted to use your hands to knead, resist, or using some oil on your hands, knead, for no longer than a minute, because, did I mention it’s sticky?

Once you’ve tried to knead it by hand, using the plastic wrap as a barrier between your hands and the sticky dough form into a ball. Freeze for ten minutes. (if you want to make this ahead of time, that’s fine, just instead of freezing stick in the refrigerator until you are ready to use)

When you are ready to bake, regardless of what you are baking, the dough takes about 12-16 minutes at 375-400 degrees. (I bake it stuffed with meat and cabbage at about 375 until brown on the top which is about 13 minutes or so, no longer than 20 minutes)

You can use this dough as a pizza crust, bagels (which is where my hubby found the recipe) dinner rolls, hamburger buns (just shy of 15 minutes) or breakfast biscuits.

Some tips

Freezing the dough for too long, makes it more dense and harder to work with.

Letting the dough get too warm makes it hard to shape and sticky.

I’ve made this dough several times, cooking with a baking sheet, in a cheesecake tin (a tin that is called a Spring form pan) a cupcake pan (cooking spray is a must) it sticks to all cooking surfaces, parchment paper and or cooking spray is your friend.

Authors note:

I have more images that I took while preparing this for dinner on Friday. If any of you would like an image not posted ask, I probably have one or five and will be glad to post them in the comment section.

One more note:

No diet should be attempted without seeking medical advice from ones doctor.

About the opinions in this article…

Any opinions expressed in this article are the opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this website or of the other authors/contributors who write for it.

About Tiff 2051 Articles
Member of the Free Press who is politically homeless and a political junkie.