After a long week of national and international news that often seems like an unintended attempt at humor, it seems like the time is right for more overt attempts at humor. To that end, TNB presents this week…
The TNB Matching Game, which bears conspicuous resemblance to an old game show. Only without any physical prizes, no contestant trying to match responses, and with only some of the participants drunk.
Not every TNB contributor answered every question. Many didn’t answer any at all. Feel free to extrapolate from that truth and the “some of the participants drunk” portion of the preceding paragraph.
And unlike the original show, participation from the studio audience is very much appreciated.
Question 1: Sean said, “I’ve got to stop doing late-night interviews with Donald. I wake up in the morning and I keep finding ________ in my bed.”
Andrew: Wet spots. Tiff: Animal crackers. Lenny: Orange spots. Halodoc: A bad check. Alien: Don Jr. blow-up dolls.
Question 2: I knew someone else had written President Trump’s tweet, because he tweeted out _________.
Tiff: The truth. Lenny: English. Alien: “Ersatz News!” Beth: A compliment to John McCain.
Question 3: Omarosa’s new book may be bad. She says Trump’s got video of Rudy Giuliani cheating on his wife again, this time with _________.
Tiff: Sean Hannity. Lenny: Ants. Halodoc: Jay Sekulow. Alien: Kanye West. Beth: Mike Pence.
Question 4: Michael Moore is celebrating the release of his new anti-Trump documentary by hosting an exhibition of his favorite leisure activity, _________.
Tiff: Naked Twister. Lenny: McRib month. Alien: Swimming in the Flint water supply.
Question 5: Vladimir Putin is denying having compromising images of President Trump. It’s the pictures of _________ that he admits to.
Tiff: Melania. Lenny: Ivanka. Alien: “A tiny-fingered toupeed doofus”. Beth: The 4th of July GOP Senate orgy at the Kremlin. MrsMaryLou: Mike Pence in drag.
Question 6: Ivanka Trump is trying a new commercial enterprise. Instead of scarves, she’s going to be selling monogrammed _________.
Tiff: License Plates. Lenny: Handcuffs. Alien: Spacesuits. Beth: Prison uniforms. MrsMaryLou: Children.
Question 7: Sarah Sanders is demonstrating the problems that Trump staffers have. She was just ejected from __________.
Tiff: In-Shape. Lenny: The ant farm. Alien: Alcoholics Anonymous. Beth: Polite society. MrsMaryLou: The Chuck E. Cheese ball pit.
Question 8: Feinstein said, “I should have suspected my driver was a Chinese spy when they kept leaving _________ in the car.”
Tiff: Chopsticks. Lenny: Little Red Books. Halodoc: Fortune cookies. Alien: Bundles of cash marked “From Buddhist Temple”. MrsMaryLou: Suicide prevention nets.
Audience participation is very much appreciated… (hint)