Political Humor – Sarah Sanders’ Headlines

We know what it’s like.  Working for the most mercurial (some would say insane) boss in the world, but loving the power and attention attendant to her position.  She can’t quit, she’s invested too much already.  So she rolls out of bed in the morning, takes the nightstand Percocet & Chivas cocktail she prepped before falling asleep, and pulls out her Iphone to see what the latest headlines are.

She’ll see the tweets soon enough.  First she needs to see the reactions to them, to know what responses she needs to concoct for them.  She hopes it’s not simply stonewalling and grimaces.  They result in the worst pictures for those meme generators.

“Just remember,” she tells herself.  “The things daddy used to tell people about the fate of liars and deceivers, the power-hungry, the betrayers… they’re just cons for the rubes, the way he told you in private.  You’ll pay no price.”  She tries to believe it.

And then, girding for the worst, she pulls up the news sites to see…


That’s what we want to know.  These days, just about anything is possible for those who seek attention rather than the good of the country.  I want to know what headlines you’d like Sarah to see in the morning… or, if you’d prefer, Sarah’s private reactions to the headlines here or the ones posted by other commenters.  I have some examples.

Trump: Kim Jong Un is “Brother From Another Mother”. 

(I hope he remembers that Kim kills his relatives)

Barron Dresses As Kathy Griffin for Halloween

(I bet he’ll be holding the head of her career)

President to Combine Macy’s Thanksgiving & Military Parades

Ocasio Cortez Demands Pet Voting Rights Act

President: China To Build The Wall, Make Ukraine Pay For It

Mattis Fired, Paul Reubens Announced As Successor

William Shatner Offered Space Force Position “Despite Being Canuck”

(I think we all saw that one coming.  It’ll never happen, though; Shatner’s toupee is better.)

Omarosa To Host Apprentice II

Beto Abandons Pretenses, Solicits Money Because “Pretty” and “Not Cruz”

About the opinions in this article…

Any opinions expressed in this article are the opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this website or of the other authors/contributors who write for it.

About AlienMotives 1991 Articles
Ex-Navy Reactor Operator turned bookseller. Father of an amazing girl and husband to an amazing wife. Tired of willful political blindness, but never tired of politics. Hopeful for the future.