This is a TNB Public Service Announcement. Don’t let animals hit you with fish.
We at TNB were unaware this message needed to be provided. We were wrong. Fish attacks by animals are apparently far more common than we believed, if recent stories are considered.
In New Zealand, in January, Russell Hogg was swimming in an Auckland spa pool when he was hit by a surprise flounder.
The fish was still alive when it struck him, but the impact and the subsequent extended dip in the freshwater pool was too much for the fish’s constitution. Despite rescue attempts, the fish did not survive.
From Russell’s account:
“Everyone in the pool just looked at each other like, ‘What the f*** was that?”
The only explanation he could come up with was that the flounder had been dropped by a high-flying bird.
“It landed with a great force from quite high up and no-one’s got a half-dead flounder in their hand when they go to Parnell Baths,” he said.
It’s wasn’t the first time in recent years people have been hit by fish. In September, 2016, Lisa Lobree was walking with her friend in Fairmount Park, Philadelphia when she was attacked by a dead catfish. In what has to be the oddest Labor Day celebration ever, a bird had tossed the fish down from amidst the trees and smacked her in the face with it.
She suffered a small laceration and some swelling, but the unpleasant smell is what impressed itself most heavily upon her.
It’s not always birds who are the aggressors, however, as was demonstrated a week ago.
The BBC reports on a group of videographers who were out in kayaks, attempting to get some footage of a group of friendly seals. At least, somewhat friendly. Mostly hungry. And it’s not always a good idea to get too close to a hungry seal.
Apparently seals will sometimes swing their prey around in the air in an effort to daze or kill it. If that prey is an octopus, and a videographer gets too close… well, it adds a whole new definition to the term “sucker punch.”
Beware the fish (and aquatic mollusks). They may be tasty, but they are tasty, tasty weaponry.
Question of the night: What animal do you think would make the best weapon?