Humor – Cleaning Day

News Media Standards. Image by Sollok29.

It’s a cleaning day for me.  I’ve got a relative coming in from New Jersey and she’s going to be staying in our back bedroom.  The problem for me is that the back bedroom is currently filled with a few thousand books and magazines.

Say it with me: yikes.

Today I get to move (schlep, if you’re Jewish; hump, if you were in the military) all of the books either out of the back bedroom, or onto the shelves adorning the walls of the back bedroom (there are shelves on nearly every wall of our home) or into the walk-in closet in the back bedroom (or as we’ve taken to calling it, the magazine annex.)

So I’m in a cleaning mood.  Well, not a mood, actually, but rather I recognize that cleaning has to be done, and nobody else is going to do it.

You know what else has to be cleaned, though?  Headlines.

If we’re to be honest with ourselves, there are a lot of news stories which would either be helped by tweaking the headline with a little bit of sensationalism or by removing a lot of it.

It really doesn’t take much effort, either.  For example:

How about this one from Conservative Review:  “Levin: You need a ‘negative IQ’ to compare Ivanka’s email to Hillary’s“.  That’s fairly wordy.   It also ignores that it’s describing a segment in which Levin details the difference between the two e-mail scandals.  Now, call me a stickler, but that’s a comparison, so Levin is spending an entire segment describing how he has a negative IQ if you accept the headline (he actually said that the two scandals were not equivalent, which they aren’t.  He said that amidst an effort to frame Ivanka as innocent and wonderful, however, which she isn’t.)   There are a few ways to handle that mistake in the headline.

Levin: Stop Remembering What I Said About Hillary!

Levin: Ivanka’s Feet Can’t Be Held To Fire In Case She’s Wearing Ivanka-Brand Flammable Shoes!

Levin: All Hail The Orange Progeny

Simple enough.

Let’s head over to Media Matters.

They’ve got a bunch of accusatory headlines there, most of which are framing “Fox News” as saying things because individual anchors are saying them.  So they’re not exactly firmly rooted in the truth, either.  As example…

Sinclair stations across the country air wild “Inside Socialism” special with Sebastian Gorka

How about we cut to the chase for them?

Sinclair Condemns Socialism; Media Matters Condemns Condemning Socialism

Sebastian Gorka Is A Tool

MM (Heart) Bernie, Plays Karate Kid II Theme To Prove It

Let’s go over to Fox.  They’re a major media source, at least they’ll be straightforward.  What’s their main headline right now?

Mexico Denies Deal With White House On Migrants, As Trump Threatens To Close Entire Border

How about…

Mexico To Get More Concessions, Money From Trump Instead Of Paying For WAHLLL

Trump Makes Inane Threat And Pretends To Forget Stock Market Tank Of Monday

Trump Remaking Invaders From Mars as Invaders From Honduras, Barron Trump To Star

There are a lot more out there.  Just hit any news site, you’ll find headlines waiting to be rewritten to show the intent behind them.  I’d give further examples, but for now I have books to move.

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About AlienMotives 1991 Articles
Ex-Navy Reactor Operator turned bookseller. Father of an amazing girl and husband to an amazing wife. Tired of willful political blindness, but never tired of politics. Hopeful for the future.