TNB Night Owl PSA–Don’t Steal Monkeys

We here at the News Blender have celebrated the occasional drunk bird. Drunken antics can be fun, and we understand that. But humans have a responsibility when drinking. While we didn’t think the warning would be necessary, it appears to be so.

Do not attempt to steal things that can fight back.

John Owen Casford of New Zealand got a touch intoxicated and thought a great present for his girlfriend would be a squirrel monkey. He did what made perfect sense at the time–he snuck into the Wellington Zoo, broke into the squirrel monkey enclosure, and attempted to steal one.

What happened between then and the next morning is uncertain. The next morning, zookeepers found traumatized squirrel monkeys, and Casford with a broken leg, two fractured teeth, a sprained ankle, and multiple bruises. The sentencing judge, Bill Hastings, said, “Your intention was to capture [a monkey] and bring it home to your girlfriend. Your attempt was not successful. I don’t know what happened in the squirrel monkey enclosure. The squirrel monkeys know. You say you couldn’t find them, and I don’t speak squirrel.”

(No word as to whether anyone explained to Judge Hastings that squirrel monkeys don’t speak squirrel either).

The monkey incident was included in a string of other incidents, and in total Casford was sentenced to two year, seven months in jail.

Question of the night–what’s the strangest gift you’ve given to a loved one?

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