Political Humor – The Trumpian Amendments

Parody of Mark Levin's Liberty Amendments. Image by Lenny Ghoul.

One of the benefits of running a political web site that does book reviews is the large number of ARCs (advance review copies) sent to us.  These are books which are sent to us prior to the official publication, to allow reviews to hit just before the book is available for sale.

We have been lucky enough to be given a copy of a new book by Mark Levin, a sequel to his bestselling The Liberty Amendments.  It is called The Trumpian Amendments, and has been co-written by the President himself, as well as Sean Hannity, Alex Jones, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck.

The book is an absolute masterpiece.  It was written in October, and is predicated around the certainty, shared by all of the geniuses involved, that the media lies would be exposed in the midterms when MAGA would rally not just wins in both chambers but a supermajority in both the Senate and the House.  

Because it did not happen, Fox Books is recalling all of its ARCs and saying the book may not be officially published.  In light of this, we at TNB thought it would be nice to give readers some of the Amendments which might not make it to print after all.

First, and most brilliant of all, is the 28th Amendment, known here as the “Remendment”.  It states: “All Amendments passed after the 27th shall be applicable only during the tenure of a member of the Republican party or a member of the direct bloodline of Donald J. Trump.”  By passing this one first, it prevents any odious non-Trumpians from usurping the special powers of the President.  

It is argued within the pages that a non-Trumpian Republican could theoretically rise through the ranks, but explained that the views of Reagan, Buckley, Coolidge and the rest have been thoroughly repudiated in the modern Republican party and therefore are exceedingly unlikely to gain traction in future primaries.

The 29th Amendment is simple and addresses a core concern of most of the authors.  “All marriages can be declared “starter” marriages by the sitting President, with no benefits or payments allocated to the wives in starter marriages.  This power may be applied retroactively.”

The 30th Amendment is also succinct: “All Congressional authority is granted to the President.  All responsibility for Presidential actions is placed to the Congress.”  This was merely meant to codify the existing arrangement as defined by the authors and repeatedly explained in their various informational venues.

The 31st Amendment is a nod to both history and the need to deal with modern times.  It suggests modifying the existing Second Amendment to read: “A strong military, being necessary to secure full compliance and loyalty to the State, the right of the people to Tweet bears arms, shall not be infringed.” Beck suggests that a few more commas be entered at random places, but the bulk of the group disagrees.

The 32nd Amendment is attributed equally to Alex Jones and President Trump for its inception: “A President, once elected, must have at least one Collusion charge proven against him before he may be indicted for any other offense, to include witness tampering, bank fraud, money laundering, campaign finance violations, abuse of authority or any other misdemeanor or felony.

The 33rd Amendment states “All American-made dictionaries shall be modified to include alternate spellings of “chocker”, “colussion”, “counsil”, “leightweight”, “tapp”, and “honer”.”  The remainder of the chapter consists of a debate between all contributors whether to include “unpresidented”.

Amendment 34, nicknamed the “Smocking Gun Amendment” and proving (as the book was written in October) that the QAnon people are correct, the famed “typo” was intentional and not an example of the President’s third-grade knowledge level, states “At the President’s discretion, confiscate guns first, due process later.”

The book is not likely to be released now, but the authors are all insistent that a massive Red Wave is due to hit in 2020 and are suggesting that the publisher reschedule for that election cycle.  Because of the delay, they may be open to additional amendments.  Should you have any, please include them in the comments section and we’ll do our best to ensure that Mark Levin sees them.

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About AlienMotives 1991 Articles
Ex-Navy Reactor Operator turned bookseller. Father of an amazing girl and husband to an amazing wife. Tired of willful political blindness, but never tired of politics. Hopeful for the future.