New Year’s Resolutions

Fireworks Sparklers with two glasses of Champagne. Photo by Myriams-Fotos.

It’s the Year 2019. This is the time of year people resolve to change things and make themselves better people. Or, in some cases, they just want to get around to doing some things that will make life easier and more fun. Fun is good. To that end… some of the resolutions from contributors here. Those who did not make the list simply weren’t around when I polled.

I want to design and wear a yellow “Make North Korea Great Again” cap. That’s not my resolution. My resolution is to count the number of people who can’t figure out of they should be offended when I wear it.

MsMaryLou resolves to send Sarah Huckabee Sanders to laughing yoga.

Outside of politics, MsMaryLou wants to not only make a shopping list to remember all the things needed at the store, but also to remember to take that shopping list. At least once.

MsMaryLou is also going to use her crafty side, creating an “allies chart” with velcro stickers to keep track of which countries are friends and which are enemies on an hourly basis.

Halodoc resolves to shorten Trump’s golf clubs by 1/2 inch. She also shared one with our beloved President:

Beth intends to start drinking more, allergy be damned. She needs to get through this administration somehow.

Tiff seconds that resolution. Tiff also resolves to use “fucktwat” less. Not to avoid using it altogether… some resolutions are impossible to honor… but less.

GretchensR will “get my bugout bunker ready and my meal ticket on the tray.”

I now ALSO resolve to find out where Gretchen lives so I can go hide when the excrement hits the proverbial fan.

We also resolve to bring you more stories of awful Democrat policies this year. Up until now, Republicans have controlled the Presidency and both chambers of Congress and could push through anything (despite their protestations of being handcuffed by the minority). Now the Democrats have the chance to show that they can make equally bad decisions. If the beginning of this year is any indication, it’s going to be a wild one.

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About AlienMotives 1991 Articles
Ex-Navy Reactor Operator turned bookseller. Father of an amazing girl and husband to an amazing wife. Tired of willful political blindness, but never tired of politics. Hopeful for the future.