The Oscar Goes To… Ugly People

Shane And Oscar. Photo by Alien Motives.

The phrase “Politics is show business for ugly people” has been around a while. The attribution is uncertain, but the implication is clear: politicians are a bunch of fame, wealth and influence-seeking narcissists who lie for a living.

With the Academy Awards being handed out tomorrow night, I thought it appropriate to recognize the ugly side of show business as well. Thus, the other Oscars… I’ll call them the “Shanes”, in honor of my cat, who has more humanity than most contemporary politicians.

I need help on this, though. I’m getting to it late. The categories are right there, but they need to have some options before a vote. And the vote will, of course, be online polling… the only type of vote that seems to be accepted in modern politics.

In mind of this, I ask for suggestions for some of the categories. The normal requirement is that they have to be from 2018, but this is politics where cheating is commonplace (just ask North Carolina election officials), so time is not a restriction for any of these:

BEST PICTURE: Any image which has lent itself to innumerable memes. Examples would be “Trump Yelling At Lawn-Mowing Boy”. or “Plaid Shirt Guy”.

BEST ACTOR: Any male politician or pundit who is saying things they obviously don’t believe, but is saying them in a way that convinces people they’re serious. Not to be confused with those who compromise their principles, this is for people who successfully misrepresent their beliefs. Examples would be Mitt Romney for his praise of President Trump, Jonah Goldberg parceling out excuses for nationalists or Bill de Blasio pretending to care about NYC police.

BEST ACTRESS: Like the male version, but female.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Any male politician or pundit who compromises their principles to promote someone they would otherwise disagree with. Whether we’re talking about Bernie Sanders throwing his support behind Hillary or Larry Kudlow joining the Trump team, examples are everywhere.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Like the male version, but female

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE: Sometimes politicians just go off the rails. Obvious examples would be Rudy Giuliani or Bernie Sanders, but many talk show hosts would be in contention as well… as illustrated by the recent leak of Tucker Carlson’s angry rant against a guest who dared to question him.

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN: Whether standing in a snowstorm or conjuring up images of an immense wall, this one is for props and pageantry, real or imagined. The Wall is an easy favorite to win in this category.

BEST DIRECTOR: This is the award given to the most influential behind-the-scenes player in politics. They don’t have to be invisible, they just need to be someone who was not elected to a position but is exerting significant control over the person who was elected.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG: Someone comes up with the crazy excuses for political gaffes and inanities. Pick the person who either created or most effectively promoted a piece of unadulterated spin.

If enough suggestions are provided today, a second post will be presented tomorrow with voting options available.

About the opinions in this article…

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About AlienMotives 1991 Articles
Ex-Navy Reactor Operator turned bookseller. Father of an amazing girl and husband to an amazing wife. Tired of willful political blindness, but never tired of politics. Hopeful for the future.