The traditional time of Catholic abstention is nearly upon us, where the faithful give up something important to them for a period of forty days and nights. In this launch of the 2020 political campaign season, it seems that politicians of all stripes are attempting to curry favor with the Catholics by setting something aside. Let’s take a look at some of their choices.
Beto O’Rourke has pledged spend 40 days not using political influence to seize poor people’s land for his multi-hundred-millionaire real-estate developing father-in-law.
Jared Kushner has announced he will give up complaining that Beto O’Rourke stole his Lent pledge.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has promised to go through Lent without calling for Trump’s impeachment.
Nancy Pelosi has chimed in that she will spend Lent not calling AOC an idiot for pushing for impeachment instead of using Trump’s abuses to generate a Democrat “blue tsunami” in 2020.
Mark Meadows will not wear anything with a hood for forty days.
Rashida Tlaib promises that she’ll pretend Jews are people until Easter, but that she can’t promise not to complain about how many of the chocolate bunny heads to be bitten off are brown instead of white.
Steve King has decided he won’t call Mark Meadows a “pussy” for not wearing things with hoods. This has nothing to do with Lent. It is simply a way to avoid President Trump grabbing and fondling Meadows instead of him.
President Trump, for his part, has pledged to avoid holding up murderous dictators as more honest than American law enforcement for a triple-fortnight. Mark Levin has expressed astonishment that Trump could clear such a high bar for personal decency, one that Levin himself couldn’t manage.
Sarah Sanders has, on orders of President Trump, also declared that every Friday during Lent the White House will be celebrating with a hamburger take-out and taco bowl dinner.
Those are just a few of the ones we know about. If anyone else has been informed of Lenten intentions from politicians, please feel encouraged to contribute them in the comment section below.
