Political Humor – Avengers: Endgame 2

Donald Trump Golfing. Photo by Steve Jurvetson.

In light of how much money Avengers: Endgame is projected to make, Disney has announced their next films. Captain Marvel 2 is greenlit, as is Guardians of the Galaxy 3. Spider-Man: Far From Home is hitting the theaters this Summer. And new characters are expected to be introduced, including Shang-Chi, Master of Kung Fu (which may or may not incorporate the Fu Manchu elements the original comic was based upon) and The Eternals (the Marvel knock-off of the New Gods that Kirby made for DC.)

Personally, I’m hoping for a Squirrel Girl flick that I can take my daughter to.

One movie that wasn’t on any radar, however, is Avengers: Endgame 2. Marvel, sitting firmly in the “Democrat” camp for their editorial choices and with left-leaning Disney (except for paying their employees) as the parent company, have been able to wrangle together the cast of Avengers: Endgame to produce a second film featuring another villainous megalomaniac to be taken down by the concentrated effort of heroes.

We at TNB are proud to leak to you some previews from the original script.

  1. Trump gets the MAGA hat: After a revelation early in act one, Trump discovers that it’s not gold that is the color of power, as he’d always assumed, but red. He seeks out special crimson thread stolen from Dr. Strange’s cape and has Ann Coulter weave it onto a ballcap for him.
  2. The sacrifice: A moving confrontation where President Trump admits to Roger Stone that he is truly beloved, but in order to fully power the MAGA hat, a payment must be made… and therefore he isn’t going to grant the pardon after all.
  3. The disappearances: Trump walks to the Presidential podium to address the audience. His first words are, “I just want everyone to know, half of the Mexicos in Central and South America are gone.” As the astonished world verifies that, indeed, half of the countries in South America have disappeared to be replaced by ocean, Trump continues, “This obviously means we will have more resources for the rest of us.”
  4. Trump’s speech about the Red Skull: “We fell in love.”
  5. The Daredevil Report: Matt Murdoch, viewed as impartial because he’s from the television universe instead of the cinematic universe, is chosen to research the allegations against Trump. It is determined that he did not, in fact, intend to eliminate all of those people, he was merely too stupid to recognize that causing everything within the borders to vanish would result in them disappearing too. And there was massive evidence of obstruction of justice (such as when Trump uses the MAGA hat to seize control of the souls of all Republican congressmen) but that he has to let the Avengers make the final decision on whether to attack Trump for it.
  6. The Twist: Newly appointed Attorney General Killmonger deciding that there is no evidence for obstruction, with Deputy Attorney General Loki standing by his side.

We’d tell you how the final battle shakes out but we’ve learned from the heat directed toward overanxious reviewers today that there is a fine line between previews and spoilers, and any revelations from act III absolutely fall into the latter category.

Oh, what the heck, one spoiler: the end credits scene sets up Deadpool Kills The Marvel Universe (Except for Squirrel Girl.)

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About AlienMotives 1991 Articles
Ex-Navy Reactor Operator turned bookseller. Father of an amazing girl and husband to an amazing wife. Tired of willful political blindness, but never tired of politics. Hopeful for the future.