One of the lingering suspicions about Donald Trump’s Presidency is that he intends to start a broadcast network after leaving office. The usual charge is that it is to be a news network in the style of Fox, hiring aboard many of the pundits who have loyally promoted him.
After the leaking of confidential internal documents, we at TNB have learned this belief is partially true. He does intend to create a broadcast network… but it is to consist entirely of game shows, produced in part by Mark Burnett.
Internal documents quote the President as explaining to his staff, “People don’t trust reporters anymore, but everyone trusts the scripted crap on a pretend “reality” show. “
Had we only known, we could have helped them with some ideas when we were covering some of our game show efforts two months ago. That’s all water under the bridge, though. Here are some of the programs we can expect on the Trump & Advertising Network (T&A):
Where In The World Is Rudy Giuliani? : In the first round, contestants use a series of clues to determine which state or country currently contains Rudy. In the second round, contestants isolate exactly which laws he’s encouraging people to break or ignore, while there.
Everything Trump Touches Dines : Sarah Sanders travels with a cadre of people in MAGA hats to independent restaurants in heavily Democrat counties. Contestants earn points if they are humiliated or mocked during the experience. Anyone refused service automatically wins a bonus prize.
Chopped 2 : Reporters who were critical of the current administration are given invitations to hostile foreign embassies, using everything from promises of breaking stories to citizenship paperwork. Hidden cameras record the results for the audience. Some graphic images and sounds will be reserved for the new YouTube challenger, MeTrump.
What’s My Lie? : A panel of celebrity judges including Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly and Michelle Malkin drink heavily while attempting to determine which of two stories a contestant tells about Donald Trump is true. If a contestant is able to beat the entire panel by telling convincing lies three times in a row, they are given a deal to host their own show. Ben Shapiro will host. (First guest: Andrew Neil, famed British interviewer and Conservative icon.)
Love It And List It : Famous young nationalists, conspiracy theorists and millennial celebrities who came to prominence promoting Trump list some of their prized possessions on ebay in a desperate effort to cover their debts. At-home viewers are encouraged to place bets on the final dollar amount at the end of the auctions. The home participant who gets closest to the actual amount has all digital records of their humiliating support for Trump expunged by the master hackers of Vladimir Putin.
Let’s Not Make A Deal : Robert Lighthizer spends 26 minutes of each 27 minute episode haggling back and forth with a contestant about whether or not a particular single transaction should be made. At the end of the episode, after the exact terms of the deal have been arranged, a mysterious “Banker” with a distinctive haircut calls down from a dimmed-out box seat above and demands new terms be added or removed.
As these are still in the works, it’s expected that the T&A Network might appreciate some more ideas. Feel encouraged to post them in the comment section below… but don’t expect any royalties if they’re used. Trump doesn’t pay contractors.