Political Humor – Testimony For The Modern Age

A collection of records from the week gone by:

E-mail

From: Rep. Jerry Nadler – Hey, you’re coming, right? I told you in the hallway after you said that you didn’t know what Mueller was talking about that we’d have to hit you on that if the letter came out. Nancy did a little jig when it was leaked to the Post, and let me tell you, you do NOT want to see her dance. Anyway, the usual crap, but you knew it was coming.

E-mail

From: Atty Gen. William Barr – Whassup, Nads! Yeah, about that testimony… The Orange Toad is freaking out about it, demanding I show “Trump Strength”. I guess maybe that means he wants me to give Venezuela to Putin and cuddle up with Kim Jong Un or something? Anyway, I’m probably not going to show. I’m going to use those extra lawyers as my excuse. You know that the Foxoids will buy the line that Levin is spinning about this being unprecedented, even though they watched us bring in an outside prosecutor for Dr. Ford. They’ve got the attention span of a squirrel on crack, and the brainpower of one too. But you know what it’s like, you’ve heard from the Berners and Warrenites. Dinner Sunday?

E-mail

From: Speaker Nancy Pelosi – Attorney General Barr, it has come to my attention that you are considering refusal of testimony to Congress. I will not stand for this. I wish to remind you that just because Trump is President, he is not the only one who has claimed dictatorial power. Remember: I’m third in the chain after Trump and Pence, and if something happens to them I will destroy your life and the lives of all you hold dear. You will comply, or I will send my flying monkeys after you.

E-mail

From: Atty Gen. Barr – Nancy, I work for Voldemort, a threat from the Wicked Witch isn’t going to do anything. I’m not showing. What are you going to do, NOT take $2 Trillion from the Spendthrift-In-Chief? Put my placard up, use a prop in my place – a blow-up doll, maybe, or if that’s too tacky a rubber chicken. I’d say a cardboard stand-up, but that’d probably remind Mr Greatest Deal about his Trump University fraud and sour your infrastructure giveaway.

SUMMARY OF TESTIMONY FROM WILLIAM BARR

I was summoned to testify before the House this week. The members of the House convened the hearing and proceeded to ask questions and make statements for the cameras. All through the day, I did not make one false reply to any question which was asked. This, despite repeated assaults on my character and suggestions that I was duplicitous.

Anyone watching clearly understood my official position that President Trump is a person who did not take any illegal action that can be prosecuted. Hail Hydra.

Tweet:

From Donald J. Trump : Barr summary proves he testified! No cover-up! No lies! Tell looser Zuckerberg to stop censoring Alex Jones! DEQEP STAQTE!

Excerpt from phone call between Vladimir Putin and President Donald Trump:

“Good boy. Now roll over again. Good boy.”

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About AlienMotives 1992 Articles
Ex-Navy Reactor Operator turned bookseller. Father of an amazing girl and husband to an amazing wife. Tired of willful political blindness, but never tired of politics. Hopeful for the future.