National news was made this week as eight champions shared the top honor in the Scripps National Spelling Bee. With the judges running low on prepared words and the remaining children unshakable in their knowledge of English obscurities, the officials recognized that all eight were equally victorious.
What went comparatively unannounced, however, was that this year the students had a number of celebrity opponents – political figures from throughout Washington D.C. and related areas, attempting to increase publicity for the event. Unfortunately, none of them made it past the first round, but some dramatic moments were nevertheless produced.
The people, and the words that knocked them out of the 2019 Bee:
Donald Trump : Missed “Choker”, added extra “c”. Demanded second chance, missed “Loser”, added extra “o”.
Rush Limbaugh : Missed “Fidelity”
Ted Cruz : Missed “Beans”. One of the few politicians to wisely ask for the word to be used in a sentence, was told, “No need to “spill the beans”, the images are worth a thousand words.”
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez : Missed “Economics”
Alan Dershowitz : was given “Pederasty”; immediately ran out of the building without spelling anything, ruled a forfeit.
Nancy Pelosi : Missed “Impeach”. “I can’t even picture that word in my head,” she responded after the word was repeated.
William Barr : Missed “Felonies”.
Sean Hannity : Missed “Patriot”. Attempted to spell it by simply repeating “Q”. Dragged off stage screaming “Deep State!” to raucous applause by Mark Levin and Alex Jones.
Barack Obama : Missed “Weapon”. Immediately after being eliminated, shook his head and said, “I can’t believe it. I thought that in America, anyone could get “weapon” at any time.”
Matt Gaetz : Missed “Bootlick”.
Justin Amash : Missed “Capitulate”.
Stephen Miller : Missed “Kidnapping”. Caused the greatest consternation of the night when, presented with the word, he simply smiled dreamily and began to pleasure himself on stage.
Cory Booker : Missed “Exposure”. Stared at the judges in disbelief, because he’d gotten the word immediately after Miller’s display. Following his failure, reminded the audience that he’d be holding a rally in the Dairy Queen parking lot in twenty minutes.
