Political Humor – The Tabloids

Donald J. Trump at Marriott Marquis NYC. Photo by Michael Vadon.

The President’s trip to the UK was a challenge for the Royal family… and a challenge for the newspapers. Openly political there (unlike our unbiased Fox News, the lack of which Trump lamented) the papers, and especially the tabloids, faced difficulty in writing appropriate headlines.

The did agree on one thing. The Guardian, the most prominent of the Liberal papers, was apoplectic that an angry woman stabbed the “baby Trump” blimp during the protests. The Times, the most prominent of the “Conservative” papers, demanded that the woman be sentenced to death for daring to assault an image of Dear Leader. So that all worked out.

Other issues:

The UK Sun reversed themselves no fewer than ten times on the idea of bringing back the topless “Page 3” girl. The argument was between the fact that President Trump himself had arranged for the picture of Melania Trump reclining nude on a carpet in his plane, and the fact that it was a touch disrespectful for him to have recreated the famed 2000 image aboard Air Force One during the flight for his state visit.

Tiffany Trump saw her shadow during the formal dinner, ensuring six more weeks of not being acknowledged by the rest of the family.

Mike Pence was widely rumored to have engaged on what is being called “TequilaFest 2019” with the Mexican trade representative. “None of what I say matters,” he was reported to have told them. “Let’s just be glad the Brits are stuck with him for a few days.”

An international incident was avoided when Prince Andrew caught Donald Trump Jr. with his jaw unhinged and one of the Queen’s corgi’s halfway into his throat. The dog was removed without harm and, after a thorough rinsing, seemed as healthy as ever.

Queen Elizabeth formally introduced the word “Shitshow” into the British lexicon.

An effort by a diabolical international mastermind was quashed by several dashing and alluring British secret agents during the visit. A plan to crush the President and his sons during the dinner by shrinking their clothing was averted, allowing only their jackets to be affected.

Ivanka and Jared’s window photo, mistakenly taken as signalling a new “Omen” remake, was actually meant to advertise “The Stepford Cabinet.”

Unfortunately, the Jared and Ivanka robots were built by Huawei, which then arranged for the Ivankabot to get fifty more patents.

President Trump touched the Queen, breaking Royal protocol. Her answering hiss of “Everything that touches me without permission gets killed, you twat” went unreported.

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About AlienMotives 1991 Articles
Ex-Navy Reactor Operator turned bookseller. Father of an amazing girl and husband to an amazing wife. Tired of willful political blindness, but never tired of politics. Hopeful for the future.