Political Humor – The Hackers

Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump meet at the 2017 G-20 Hamburg Summit. Photo by Kremlin.ru

Mindful of the death of Mad Magazine, the Republican Party has decided to keep the “What, Me Worry?” spirit of Alfred E. Neuman alive by blocking efforts to keep the Russians from interfering in the 2020 election. Their efforts would seem to have two purposes: to undermine reports by law enforcement that Russia provided substantive aid to President Trump’s election campaign while they embarked on their mission to foment disunity across the United States, and to clear the way for Russia to once again provide material aid to Republican efforts, this time for Trump’s re-election.

What they’re forgetting is that if the door is left open for Russia to influence Americans, other countries are likely to get in on the act. To that end, we at TNB have canvassed countries throughout the world to determine what agenda items they’d like to see Americans “spontaneously” adopt. Here is a sampling from the responses:

Israel is going to attempt to convince American Jews that Trump isn’t all that bad. Netanyahu hopes it will be more successful than his attempt to convince Israeli Jews that he hasn’t become corrupt.

Great Britain is going to attempt to get us to take Boris Johnson back. Wales is also going to attempt to get us to take Boris Johnson back. Ireland is also going to attempt to get us to take Boris Johnson back. Scotland is going to attempt to get us to start a new holiday, Sean Connery Day.

North Korea admits it’s only targeting its advertising at Trump, hoping they can convince him to give them the U.S. nuclear codes on top of everything else.

South Korea will work at telling Americans that Japan is comprised of a bunch of jerks. Japan will say that Japan is comprised of a bunch of half-naked cartoons.

Venezuela is intending to use its most dependable existing technology, semaphore, to hack our computer system.

Switzerland is pushing Gary Johnson again.

Canadian hackers will try to get us to rally behind Justin Amash, after first trying to convince him to run. When asked why a country that drifts socialist would support a traditional conservative, they explained that they want the military that protects them led by someone sane.

Quebec hackers are going to work on getting us to nominate Will Hurd instead, just to be different.

Finland is going to send us more pictures of Kamala Harris and the gay bear, as they remain tickled by the 2016 Russian meme.

Germany informed us that despite their highly qualified cybersecurity professionals, they would not be hacking anyone. They then declared themselves “Der Honey Badger” of hacking and gave us a link to a Youtube video.

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About AlienMotives 1525 Articles
Ex-Navy Reactor Operator turned bookseller. Father of an amazing girl and husband to an amazing wife. Tired of willful political blindness, but never tired of politics. Hopeful for the future.