TNB Night Owl–Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell

Maasdam Swiss cheese. Photo by Arz.

We love the country of Denmark. We love them so much we sent the best and brightest to represent our nation. Okay, we sent Carla Sands, widow to real estate mogul Fred Sands, former chiropractor, and former star of big screen and little screen. You might have seen her in a few episodes of THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL or 1ST AND TEN. But her real breakthrough performance came in DEATHSTALKER AND THE WARRIORS FROM HELL (1988) aka DEATHSTALKER III.

She was so good, in fact, they cast her twice in the same movie. First as Princess Carissa (Sands) who, after a very briefly antagonistic relationship, entrusts the titular Deathstalker with one of two gems needed to unleash Great Power. Once she is no longer needed to push the plot forward, Princess Carissa is murdered. Luckily, the audience still gets the joy of watching Sands as she also plays Carissa’s twin sister, Princess Elizena. Promised to a joyless marriage, Elizena alternates between being attracted to and repulsed by Deathstalker who keeps searching for the second (and later we come to find third) gem of Great Power. Things come to a head when….

Oh, who are we kidding? No one watches these movies for the plots, so there’s only a bare minimum to tie together fight scenes and gratuitous mammary glands. They care so little about the quality of the film that no one bothered to fix the fact Deathstalker’s accent changes continents partway through the movie. Despite that, people have claimed this to be the superior of all four Deathstalker movies because it’s the only one to not use stalk footage. Yes, the bar was set that high for the flicks.

If you still want to see it, here you go:

For a more pleasant viewing experience, here’s the MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 episode that featured DEATHSTALKER III:

Question of the night: what’s your favorite way to prepare potatoes?

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