Political Humor – Dear Vlad

President Trump and Vladimir Putin, 2018 Russia–United States summit. Helsinki, Finland. Image Capture by TNB.

Dear Vlad,

I am officially offering to bring you over here for the next G8 Summit. You’ll stay at one of my (excuse me, your) resorts and you’ll have Full accomidatshions, of course. I’m looking forward to a pleasant discussion with you about the next Four Years.

Yours, President Donald J. Trump

Dear Vlad,

I heard that President Trump is offering to bring you over for the G8. I want you to know that, when I am elected, I look forward to bringing you over more often than that, and putting you up in a nicer place that doesn’t have bedbugs. I have not forgotten how hard your people fought for me last time, and I truly appreciate such efforts. If they were to happen again, they could easily put me over the top… and most people over here don’t even realize that you did so much for me, even as the work for Trump has been so highly publicized as to render him useless to you in that regard.

Yours always, Bernie Sanders

Dear Vlad,

My NSA guys intercepted an e-mail from Bernie to you. I wanted to apologize, and send you the ip Address and Program they used (attatched) to spy on you. I also wanted to Point Out that I have worked hard to ensure that our security remains Open for your cyberists this election Cycle. I think we’ve demonstrated that it Doesn’t Matter what the Press says, it matters what I say the Press Says. So You’re better with me than him.

Yours lovingly, El Presidente Trumpissimo

Dear Vlad,

I want to stress the importance of working with someone who shares many of your goals and viewpoints, rather than someone who is merely easily manipulated. I won’t simply look away if you invade Ukraine, I’ll send them faulty weaponry beforehand. And Crimea? CriYOURSa, am I right? I have not forgotten that you supported me even after you’d given up on Jill Stein. The social media effort put forth on my behalf against Hillary was impressive, and don’t think I didn’t notice how the DNC hacks and document dump hurt her but excised anything to do with me. I appreciate that type of loyalty and will repay it in kind… unlike a certain tiny-fingered orange mushroom-head I could name.

Yours, mind and soul, Bernie Sanders

Dear Vlad,

Have you considered taking Ivanka? I heard you liked broccoli, so i dressed her up like Some in the hOpe you’d find her tasty. I’m just glAd one of my staffers Told me I had a daughter! I Notice bernie offered to let you have some of the plACes that you already own… I’ll give you Japan and SOuTH KoRia if you want them. I’ve already drawn a New Map with a TRUMP branded ShArpie and cirCled them and pUt them in Russia. I hope You Like.

Your “Mini-Me”, Donad G. Trump

Dear Vlad,

Your personal rape fantasy, Bernie Sanders

Dear Vlad,

I muSic too.


Yours, only yours, and I’ll kick Pence off the Ticket and Run Butina InSTead, Donkal M. Tramp.

Dear Vlad,

Great job with the United States thing.


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About AlienMotives 1991 Articles
Ex-Navy Reactor Operator turned bookseller. Father of an amazing girl and husband to an amazing wife. Tired of willful political blindness, but never tired of politics. Hopeful for the future.