CONGRATULATIONS!
Your inquiry about joining the Vast Deep State Wing Conspiracy has been received by The Grand Council of Powers. You have been verified as a person who either has a government job or has shown at least two months of non-consecutive interest in national politics, and have been accepted as a VDSWC member.
As you know, the VDSWC holds firmly to the notion that no elected individual should ever be allowed to hold political office. To that end, we work tirelessly to undermine every governmental policy, while acting in our daily jobs to enact government policy.
The sensitive nature of the VDSWC requires absolute secrecy – there can be no evidence proving our existence. For this reason, this missive will be automatically deleted immediately after you finish reading it. All recording devices within two hundred yards will also have their memory deleted and storage wiped, and any web sites you may have visited while this screen was active will be hit with a Denial of Service attack while we remotely eliminate their last half hour of activity.
You are instructed to have no physical communication with other members of the VDSWC, to prevent exposure. Because of the difficulties this creates in enacting our goals, you are being granted telepathic abilities. You will recognize them as a tingle in the front of your skull. This is normal, as is your new danger sense when in the presence of a follower of Alex Jones, Sean Hannity, James Carville or Cenk Uygur.
Should one of those staunch champions of sanity expose our organization, let not your third eye be troubled. Embedded members of the VDSWC will ensure that the political opposition portrays as ludicrous the notion of a hidden shadow government competent enough to frame Presidents as immoral felons and leave no concrete evidence but too incompetent to stop politicians from enacting any policy they desire.
They will also arrange to keep those who had previously mocked the notion of such a conspiracy from recognizing identical circumstances when the balance of power shifts.
Again, thank you for your entry into your new position as VDSWC member. We regret to inform you that the checks from George Soros and the Koch Brothers are no longer being distributed directly, but you will be directed via telepathic link to the nearest participating nonprofit, from which you will be provided either a job or grant money.
Don’t forget to get some cookies from the Vast Deep State Wing Conspiracy bakery on the way over.
Yours,
The Lizard People
