This is a TNB Public Service Announcement. Don’t put animal genitalia in your mouth.
We at TNB were not aware this message needed to be provided. We were wrong. We wish we weren’t, but we were wrong, as two recent examples demonstrate.
On Sunday, September 22, 2019 a truck driving couple stopped at the Tiger Truck Stop in Grosse Tete, Louisiana. The stop was named after a live tiger which resided on a cage at the truck stop. (Full disclosure: my family stopped there to get fuel about six years ago, and the tiger seemed to be well cared-for.)
The tiger passed away in 2017, but the truck stop had learned of the allure of exotic animals (as well as the basics of caring for them.) Having lost their tiger, they replaced it with… a camel, equally exotic for Louisiana but less obviously dangerous.
The lack of apparent deadliness was likely one reason why the husband threw dog treats into the camel enclosure, which inspired the couple’s dog to wiggle his way inside the fencing to retrieve his food.
Unfortunately for the small dog, it is deaf, which meant it could not hear its masters’ calls to return. Instead it found itself confronting a beast much larger than itself.
The wife, Gloria Lancaster, then crawled into the enclosure to retrieve her dog. Confronted by the strange woman, the camel did not kick her or spit on her. Instead, it sat on her head.
Lancaster managed to get the camel to rise by biting it… on its testicles. The camel was given precautionary antibiotics afterward.
Good rule of thumb: don’t put yourself in a position to get sat upon by a camel. As if to emphasize this simple concept, Mrs. Lancaster was ticketed for trespassing.
That’s still better than the charges that Sexy Vegan is facing. The blue-haired resident of West Hollywood declared himself a 2020 Presidential candidate in 2018, buoyed by the limited fame he received from legally changing his name to Sexy Vegan, tattooing his new name on his face and subsequently being kicked off of the Dr. Phil show for excessive profanity. He even has a website devoted to his Presidential run.
Still, contemporary politics is the only topic off-limits in the body of the Night Owl, and besides, this is a PSA about…
…Oh.
Sexy is facing a year in prison after images posted to his Instagram account reportedly showed him being a little too intimate with the kisses for his pet pit bull.
He was arrested on September 30, and Los Angeles prosecutors have yet to release photos. Thankfully.
Question of the night: What’s a roadside attraction you enjoyed visiting?
