TNB Night Owl – Vampire Watermelons

Watermelons. Photo by Steve Evans

Vampires are among the most powerful of monsters. They vary a bit from country to country, but in their most common iteration they’re incredibly strong, invulnerable to many wounds, able to turn into mist or animals, capable of flight, master hypnotists and amazingly swift.

They’re a bit vulnerable… garlic is notoriously unpleasant for them, crosses and other holy items repel and can even burn them, they find their powers diminished when crossing running water and they have to rest during daylight hours on their home soil. Still, on bulk, they’ve got far more strengths than weaknesses. Even their most famous vulnerabilities… a stake through the heart, decapitation and complete immolation… aren’t exactly exclusive to vampires. Those will kill anyone.

Really, the greatest advantage humanity has when hunting them is sunlight. It’s no problem to humans, but tends to burn most vampires into ash. But it turns out there’s another alternative to staking, sunlight, fire and decapitation.

You could always just eat them.

Among the least known variants of the vampire is the vampire watermelon. It’s a legend from the Muslim Gypsies of the Kosovo region, which held that watermelons (and pumpkins) which are kept for a full ten days after Christmas… long past their traditional harvest and consumption date… will become vampires.

At this stage in their existence they will be recognizable by occasional drops of blood which may leak from their skins. They roll around human-occupied areas and attack them with murder on their rind. Er, mind.

Unfortunately for the rounded foodstuff, a watermelon which turns into a vampire is still basically a watermelon. Its primary attack consists of rolling at people, and not rolling very quickly.

Its secondary attack is… well, it’s also just rolling at people. They obviously want to bite people, but the lack of a mouth or teeth stymies that urge.

Still, they’re annoying. And, like other vampires, they’re notoriously difficult to kill. Sunlight merely seems to quiet them down, and they are invulnerable to the traditional stake through the heart (lacking a heart). In this case, what is required is complete immersion in a vat of boiling water.

Thankfully, as mentioned before, they’re not particularly quick. So, should you find yourself being harassed by undead fruit, have a large pot of water on your stove and the burner turned up to “high”.

Or just eat the things by Christmas and be done with it.

Question of the night: What’s your favorite pumpkin or watermelon flavored item? (Pumpkin spice, though not having pumpkin flavor, is fine.)

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About AlienMotives 1991 Articles
Ex-Navy Reactor Operator turned bookseller. Father of an amazing girl and husband to an amazing wife. Tired of willful political blindness, but never tired of politics. Hopeful for the future.