It would be unnecessarily petty to revel in Roger Stone’s upcoming prison time. The man is a political operative who specialized in unwarranted personal destruction of opponents, but he’s far from the only person of his type out there. Just because he spend two decades in the employ of Donald Trump, using his Republican connections to work at undermining the party and ease Trump into the Presidency…
…okay, yeah, that’s pretty bad. But still, if Stone is going to be held accountable for committing multiple felonies, any other operatives who commit crimes should be held accountable as well. Anyone who calls for imprisonment of Stone should be on the record as calling for, say, Sandy Berger to be prosecuted for his thefts of classified documents from the National Archive.
(Checks notes.) Oh, wait, that’s me!
EXPERIENCES AWAITING STONE IN PRISON
- Practicing the recipes left behind for the prison galley by Martha Stewart.
- Providing interviews for the documentary on Prosecutor Michael Marando, “Got Me Roger Stone”.
- Learning if his “Rat***ker” nickname can be physically replicated.
- Setting up a swapper network with Paul Manafort and Sean Hannity.
- Starting a new website for Alex Jones called “PrisonerPlanet”
- Discovering first hand if, in fact, Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself.
- Renaming his new cell “Trumped Tower”
- Annoying other inmates by repeatedly quoting the Rorschach line “I’m not locked in here with you. You’re locked in here with me.”
- Getting Bernie Madoff as his newest client, promising to make him a New York Senator.
- Hearing the incessant whining from the adjoining cell for “a conjugal visit from my daughter Ivanka.”