Political Humor – Royals

Donald Trump and Bill Clinton, photo from Clinton Presidential Library

Bill Clinton and Donald Trump, Presidents of the United States, have found in recent years that they are among the most polarizing figures in the country. Both love the spotlight, and both love to have people tell them how wonderful they are.

Now, they’re doing something about it. The pair have decided to put together a remake of Lorde’s hit song, Royals. We at TNB do not have any of the audio yet, but we will provide it when cuts become available. Thankfully, we do have the lyric sheet, and thought it would be appropriate breaking news for those trying to keep abreast of political developments.

For those unfamiliar with the original song, we provide a link here:

And here’s the duet version:


I’d never met a purveyor of flesh

I don’t care ’bout my wedding ring – it’s a show piece

And then I got a friend in Jeffrey Eps…

And he’d throw me cash toward my foundation

And he’s always like

black girls, white girls, brown girls, Asians

sexual slavery’s the focus of our days and

I don’t care – I’m using people and it’s a dream

And he’s always like

Jet plane, island, teenaged on a gold leash

blackmail cameras watchin’ every sweet piece

He don’t care… got boys for Spacey standing over there

Cause we’re hanging with royals

Prince Andrew and the Saudi

The normal laws don’t cover me

It’s either this or Hillary

And I was a ruler

Presidential immunity

And baby I ruled…

Now I live my fantasy


My friend Jeffrey, he liked them young

With broken kids pulling a train at his parties

And everyone who knows me knows

That I’m fine with this

I only care ’bout money

And he’s always like

Black girls, white girls, brown girls, Asians

Sexual slavery’s the focus of our days and

I don’t care, I’m not putting on no moral airs

And he’s always like

Takes the Fifth before I get indicted

Cheat him on a deal he don’t feel slighted

He don’t care. He’s got Hawking leering over there

And I’m hanging with Royals

Prince Andrew and the Saudi

The normal laws don’t cover me

I’ve got Ivanka bouncing on my knee

I am now a Ruler

Presidential immunity

And baby I’ll rule

I will live my fantasy

-BOTH for the bridge

The Senate covers everything

And I might as well just be a king

Life is great without a care

Dershowitz is walking without underwear

And we’re treated like Royals

Prince Andrew and the Saudi

We’re both above the law you see

We could just shoot you on the street

We are simply rulers

Presidential immunity

And baby we’ll rule

We can live our fantasies.

Apparently afterward, some squabbling is heard on the recording, as they both accused the other of arranging the death of Jeffrey Epstein. This led to the B-Side, which is a remake of a classic Sonny & Cher duet, renamed “It Was You, Babe.”

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About AlienMotives 1991 Articles
Ex-Navy Reactor Operator turned bookseller. Father of an amazing girl and husband to an amazing wife. Tired of willful political blindness, but never tired of politics. Hopeful for the future.