TNB Night Owl – Don’t Steal For Your Wedding

This is a TNB Public Service Announcement. Don’t steal for your wedding.

We at TNB were not aware this message needed to be provided. We were wrong. Recent events in the United States have demonstrated the need for this friendly reminder.

Texas man Heath Edward Bumpous robbed Citizen’s State Bank in Groveton, holding a teller at gunpoint until he received cash. He then drove off for parts unknown, having committed the perfect crime.

Okay, perhaps not perfect. One of the ways he decided to elude police was by throwing his clothes out of the window of the car as he drove away. While this would make it a little more difficult for authorities to recognize him as the man in the bank videos, it also provided plenty of physical evidence for police to track him down.

…Not that the evidence was needed. Police posted images of the robber to social media, and someone recognized him. Specifically, his fiancee. As KLTV explained, she proceeded to convince Bumpous to turn himself in.

The former EMS employee told the cops that he’d committed the robbery to get funds for two things: his wedding venue, which was to be held the next day; and a ring he’d been eyeing for his wife-to-be.

At least in that instance one of the pair was firmly against theft. In Bay City, Michigan, William J. Cornelius Jr. asked the employees of a Wal-Mart if he could borrow their in-store public announcement system for a special event. They ceded the microphone, and he asked his girlfriend to marry him. She said yes, accepting the $30 engagement ring he’d just purchased.

There was clapping all around, although undoubtedly some shoppers were asking themselves, “who proposes in a Wal-Mart?”

The answer was quick to reveal itself, as the cameras which had focused on the pair captured not just the moment where she said “yes,” but also the one where the bride-to-be slipped earrings and a necklace into her purse before leaving the store.

And, lest anyone suspect the proposal was a sham designed to draw attention away from the shoplifting, the couple was caught not by people monitoring those cameras, but rather an astute employee at a nearby Spencer’s Gifts. The store sells novelty items and raunchy cards, but the pair was not buying anything there… they were continuing their shoplifting spree, this time with Cornelius pocketing “Bride-to-Be” thong panties, edible underwear, and a vibrating sex toy according to UPI.

Question of the night: What’s your best wedding memory?

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About AlienMotives 1991 Articles
Ex-Navy Reactor Operator turned bookseller. Father of an amazing girl and husband to an amazing wife. Tired of willful political blindness, but never tired of politics. Hopeful for the future.