Yesterday, the Senate passed a massive spending bill full of what “deficit hawks” termed waste. Among the other things it did was federally fund Planned Parenthood, allowing the company which is successful enough to survive on private funds alone to thrive using federal money. In Presidentspeak, we’ll just call that a non-traditional Christmas gift to very young children throughout America.
Among the items which was not ended was Obamacare, now called “Trumpcare” by some after some small modifications were made upon Trump’s rise to the Presidency. This was the third budget conflict for the President, and there was no chance the Republicans could repeal Obamacare at this point. They had the opportunity for the first two years of the Trump Presidency, but they demonstrated conclusively that the President never cared about that core election promise and that, in fact, neither did most of them. They pushed on tax cuts, Trump pushed on tariffs and making nice with Putin and Kim, but Obamacare… well, that wasn’t going to make them wealthier if they cut it. (For reference, see “ballooning deficit”.
Nevertheless, there were some who sounded the alarm about the massive spending in this bill, as I said. And I would like to remind everyone of what deficit hawks like that used to do… before their party took control and they’d embarrass the President and Senate Leader if they performed any antics. They used to filibuster to bring attention to problems. They used to do things like read bills, read speeches… and read Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss.
Of course, this is a modern era. So, while I would like to remind the Representatives of the Freedom Caucus and a particular formerly-Constitutionalist Senator of what they used to be like, I will be doing so using the end of the updated version of Green Eggs and Ham: Impeachment and Crow.
“It will not, can not, get through Barr. It will not, can not, get that far.
It will not, can not, get through Mitch. It will not, can not, evil bitch!
I will not have my Russia blamed, I’ll flee the light! No crimes revealed! No sanctions placed, tariffs repealed! I do not like being in a box. I do not like how Twitter mocks. I will not take it from the House. I will not be shown as a louse. I do not like it here or there. I have no scruples anywhere! I do not like impeachment, crow! I do not like them, Nan-I-Am.!
“You do not like them, so you say. But now you’ll eat them anyway.”
“Say! I have to take impeachment, crow! And now I’ll destroy every one of you for challenging me on this! I’m the king, don’t you understand? Mitch, Mitch! No witnesses! You Christians, you better grovel and abandon Jesus in favor of me or else! Yes, Franklin, good dog. Vlad, Vlad, I’m still yours, don’t you remember? And Erdie, you’ll seize the missiles but I still get the Trump Tower Ankara income, right? Boris, you think I’ll forget you laughing at me at the NATO summit, but I never forget a slight! Taliban, hey, I’ve got an idea, why don’t you come on over to Camp David, I’ll give you the run of the place and you can take publicity photos with a pardoned war criminal in exchange for us giving you half the country. Deal? I make great deals! I makeallsortsofawesomedeals! MoreChinesespiesatMar-a-Lagotheygivemelotsofmoney!IvankacomesitonmylapagainnowthatEpstein’sgoneIneedmyfix.Millergocageanotherbrownkid. Aaarrrrgh!!!!!!!!”
The revised book ends with a plate of impeachment and crow, and the President bobbing up and down in the water by himself, rambling and exposed for all the world to see.
