Political Humor – Holiday Gifts

Christmas gifts. Photo by Kelvin Kay.

One of the great problems during the holiday season is deciding on the perfect gift for people. If you have to buy for prominent figures, the gifts become even more difficult – after all, most of them already have access to just about anything they might want. They are notoriously hard to shop for.

To ease the stress of buyers this holiday season, we at TNB are offering this handy list of suggested gifts for political figures. We strive to be helpful.

Alex Jones – A frog in a terrarium. He’s always been fascinated by them.

Theresa May – A miniature Parliament with a small statuette of Jeremy Corbyn, equipped to play his resignation speech when a button is pushed. A space should be reserved for a similar statuette of Boris Johnson.

Sean Hannity – A dehumidifier. It’s been stuffy up there, and it’s starting to affect his hair.

Rudy Giuliani – A simple holiday greeting card, with a message inside: “The President can’t pardon you if you haven’t been charged yet. Less than 400 days until the filing!” It’s the perfect sort of gift, one he’ll think about every day.

Bernie Sanders – A miniature Parliament with a small statuette of Jeremy Corbyn, equipped to play his resignation speech when a button is pushed. And then play raucous laughter.

Barron and Tiffany Trump – A 23 and Me DNA analysis kit. A few moments of hope is a grand gesture this holiday season.

Ted Cruz – For this voracious reader, a great gift is a book he’s apparently never read, like A Time For Truth.

Hillary Clinton – A Stuart Smalley doll, with a voice track of Al Franken saying “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” Also, a cell phone with Bill’s current number on it so she can talk to him sometimes.

Ann Coulter – A 30 foot wall, to be built with no doors all around the edges of her property. She is expected to like this gift, but if she complains tell her that the wall just got 10 feet higher. It’s a Christmas gift, so do not bill her for the wall. This is the season of giving.

Donald Trump – a large and obviously affectionate dog, given to him very publicly so as to ensure he needs to be seen with the animal on semi-regular occasions while he remains in politics. This is Melania’s gift request, not Donald’s.

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About AlienMotives 1385 Articles
Ex-Navy Reactor Operator turned bookseller. Father of an amazing girl and husband to an amazing wife. Tired of willful political blindness, but never tired of politics. Hopeful for the future.