Political Humor – The News Wire

Choosing one item to focus on for the weekly humor piece can be difficult, in a time of people like Trump and Sanders. I thought I’d take you behind the scenes to show you my teletype, which records some of the summaries which come over the wire:

New York City, NY 1/1/20 – Eric Trump discovers existence of Australia after losing game of Risk to infant daughter.

New York City, NY 1/1/20 – Eric Trump offers himself as Prime Minister of Australia via tweet. “Australia – Your not even putting out a simple house fire and your celebrating New Years way too early. Incompetent leadurship. Hire Me. Make Australia Grate Again!”

Des Moines, IA 1/1/20 – Former Vice President Joe Biden refused admission into a Dunkin, formerly Dunkin Donuts, due to lack of trans-racial history. Responds by shooting through door.

Washington, DC 1/1/20 – Senator Ted Cruz petitions Merriam-Webster to make “servile” word of the year, threatens to have father assassinate prominent editors until they comply.

Ottumwa, IA 1/2/20 – Bernie Sanders initially reports 2.14 Billion in election fundraising, corrects to 34.5 Million after converting from rubles to dollars.

Baghdad, Iran 1/3/20 – Airstrike launched in Iraq in desperate attempt to explain to Eric Trump how time zone differences work. Still fails to understand how Thursday for him can be Friday for someone else.

Washington, DC 1/3/20 – President Trump fights back against allegations he’s trying to start a war with Iran. “I’ve never thought that far ahead in my life.”

Washington, DC 1/3/20 – PETA files charges against President Trump for turtle abuse after McConnell whipsaws during Senate speech. “He went from reprimanding the President for non-emergency military strikes to claiming there has been no abuse of power and therefore no need for trial witnesses. You could watch part of his brain die as he spoke,” a PETA spokesman claimed.

Miami, FL 1/3/20 – New “What Would Trump Do?” bracelets featured at Evangelicals for Trump rally. All bracelets stolen.

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About AlienMotives 1385 Articles
Ex-Navy Reactor Operator turned bookseller. Father of an amazing girl and husband to an amazing wife. Tired of willful political blindness, but never tired of politics. Hopeful for the future.