Demonstrations have begun in the land of Oz, with munchkins and fairies alike marching in the streets. Fox News has lead with the story of the marches being a demand for a Trump rally, while Rachel Maddow has produced tapes of Princess Ozma repeatedly rejecting attempts by Trump to secure a venue in the Emerald City.
“We already have a pumpkinhead, and unlike Trump, he’s useful. Even without any seeds in there, he’s more intelligent, too,” the footage reveals the Princess telling the President’s attorney, Rudy Giuliani. “And if Miller so much as sets foot in Oz, he’ll learn that small people can imprison him without blankets, too.”
Rumors started swirling that Trump might seek to hold a rally in Oz when he spoke at Davos, saying, “The thing I most want is to revitalize Scarecrow.” Even after amending his words to “Jim Crow”, suspicions about a visit remained.
Reporters sent to the scene of the protests have revealed that, while the marches are political in nature, they have nothing to do with any Trump rallies.
“We’re marching against Lindsey Graham,” a member of the Lollipop Guild explained. “We heard him say he didn’t want to live where Trump was investigated and Biden wasn’t… well, we can see what that might mean. And not everyone who loves Judy Garland and rainbows is welcome here.”
“Graham moves here, he may bring along Cruz. We already had a cowardly lion, we sure as witches don’t need another one.”
The flying monkeys of Oz, however, stand in firm support of Lindsey Graham. “We know what it’s like to unquestioningly serve,” one of them told our reporter. “Sure, people call you evil just because you rain death and destruction upon them, but really, if we were evil, would we have Hugh Hewitt applying to join us?”
On the threat of potential tariffs, the Mayor of Munchkinland said, “Those tariffs have already hurt Midwestern farmers more than any of our tornadoes ever could. Besides, we eat sugar all the time, which we grow ourselves. Bring it.”
The Tin Woodsman offered a placating tone. “It’s not that everyone here agrees on everything,” he explained. “It’s just that we’re a beloved institution focused on promoting fundamental American principles that goes back more than a hundred years. The current crop of Republican leaders has already destroyed one of those, and we’d prefer not to risk a second.”
