For some unfathomable reason, people are insisting that the impeachment process should be bipartisan.
Former Constitutional conservative Ted Cruz’s beard keeps saying something about it during interviews like this one.
Senator Lindsey Graham while announcing his plans back in December to violate his oath of impartiality said in a CNN interview that “I am trying to give a pretty clear signal I have made up my mind. I’m not trying to pretend to be a fair juror here.” He then went on to dismiss the impeachment proceedings as “partisan nonsense.”
Somehow even more remarkably, Ken Starr, the independent counsel during the Clinton investigation in the ’90s, argued on the floor of the Senate this week that the proceedings must be “powerfully bipartisan” in order to be legitimate.
And I have to say, while there are a lot of mind numbingly stupid arguments that the GOP is currently trotting out in defense of the indefensible, this one is just about the mind numbingly stupidest one of them all. This is the windmill cancer of stupid GOP arguments. A half-inebriated brain dead monkey on helium could see just why that argument is stupid, and yet here are grown adult reasonably sober human beings waving it around like it’s the winning Powerball ticket.
So just why is it so silly? Well, it shames me that this would even need explaining when a blind crustacean could see through it. But regardless, let’s wander over to the preschool section of our nearest local frontal lobe and see if we can’t work out why it might be a bad idea, shall we?
First, there is no mention of political party in the Constitution. Not one. But that doesn’t mean it couldn’t apply right? Well, sure! So why don’t we just add some more arbitrary factors in there while we’re at it, like we need majority female support to remove a female president? Or majority black support to remove a black president? Or majority orange, tiny fisted corruptocrat support to remove an orange, tiny fisted corruptocrat president? It’s only fair, right? Clearly, this is a nonsense limitation that no multi-cellular organism would seriously consider advocating unless it were deliberately shilling for some particular individual, party, or both.
The second obvious reason why this is the dumbest idea ever conceived outside of the cutting room floor of Jersey Shore is the possibility that there might eventually, possibly, hang with me here, be *gasp* *heave* *contort* more than two major parties at some point in America’s existence. Oh, wait, that’s already happened. So how exactly is “bipartisan” supposed to work then? Spoilers, it won’t, because it’s a bloody stupid argument that people just made up one day because they were getting tired of sharing that annoying cat meme on Facebook 24/7 and wanted something even dumber to do with their time.
And finally – I saved this reason for last because it requires the most processing power of them all so hopefully you’re used to this intense level of mental duress by now – when it’s a lawless Democratic President under fire from the GOP and the Democrats decide lo and behold, our future is a lot more secure if we don’t agree to remove the de facto head of our party from office in the most publicly humiliating fashion conceivable, what then? Are we supposed to just shrug and go back to cooing over baby Yoda like it’s no big deal? Say for instance that unimaginably awful and despicable Joe Biden becomes President despite his clear record of agreeing with the entire international community on the ouster of a corrupt prosecutor, what then? “Welp, we’d like to keep the interests of foreign powers out of the office we’ve spent several years arguing has unlimited and unchecked authority, but darn it, the Dems don’t want to. Wonder what’s on Oprah today?” Yeah, I don’t think so.
There’s a reason the Founders didn’t include bipartisanship anywhere near the Constitution, especially when it comes to impeachment, and it’s because they knew what political parties were like and warned against them often. They knew that sitting around waiting for the President’s own political party to hold its own power in check defied all logic because they knew that waiting around for any single entity anywhere to hold its own power in check defied all logic. That is why they created our system of checks and balances in the first place.
So if you believe there’s nothing wrong with the President using his office to break the law to coerce a public announcement of investigations of a political rival out of a dependent allied nation and are interested in defending the indefensible, go right on ahead. But when you dive into the GOP’s ball pit of shortsighted arguments, please try to find one a little less transparently moronic to play with. You aren’t doing your cause any favors if you don’t.
