Political Humor – Trump Store

Trump Tower Tweet complication by Lenny Ghoul.

The recent decision to sell a coin featuring Trump’s fight against the coronavirus (a fight most didn’t expect him to be making personally, but some people can’t learn from history… somewhere, Boris Johnson is laughing. With a wheeze.) has led to the realization that the White House Gift Shop is no longer affiliated with the U.S. government; it was taken private in 2012 and given exclusive trademark in 2016. It is similar in its way to whitehouse.com, which is a pandemic tracking site (and, famously, until 2004 a porn site).

This doesn’t mean that Trump hasn’t found a way to fleece his followers. The Trump store is filled with campaign merchandise, and it’s not only the usual hats and shirts but some very unusual items, most of which are found under the “gifts” tab. For example… this poster of Trump which underscores a level of unreality which is hard to fathom. (Akin to anyone who takes the Obama/Biden action mysteries… yes, those are real… as anything other than image-softening humor.)

Still, amidst the Trump-branded straws (which really should have been mushroom-shaped), the dog leashes (part of Trump’s “Stormy Nights” collection) and the wrapping paper coated with Trump’s face (because sometimes even Trump fanatics want to rip his face in two), there is room for new merchandise. That’s where product testing comes in.

We’ve discovered some of the new items which are being screened for inclusion in the Trump store, and thought we’d provide you sneak peeks:

  • Trump branded adult diapers, with the slogan “Shit, yeah, it’s Trump!” (elastic seals not guaranteed)
  • Trump brand surgical masks (recycled from old “Hoax” signs)
  • The WWTD bracelet “special collection” with the embossed signatures of Paula White, Franklin Graham, Robert Jeffress and more. Individually priced.
  • Constitution-imprinted toilet paper, marked as “Show you care about the founders as much as Trump does.” Also available in “Barr-sized” travel packs.
  • Replica issues of magazines with Trump on the cover, pre-rolled. (An addition to the “Stormy Nights” collection)
  • $20 gift certificates for one night with Melania, no questions asked. Discounts available for Canadian officials.
  • Plush “gay frog”, with a free DVD of Plandemic now included.
  • Music boxes, one each of the Trump/Putin joint press conference and the first Trump/Kim summit, both play “Endless Love” when wound.
  • The “Oscar Health coding kit” for kids who want to learn how to make a government website just like the one from the Kushner owned company. Contains application for grant money but no actual coding instructions.

More additions will likely be made to the list. Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio have been given triple doses of the President’s Adderall stash and are bouncing ideas off of each other as this is being typed.

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About AlienMotives 1991 Articles
Ex-Navy Reactor Operator turned bookseller. Father of an amazing girl and husband to an amazing wife. Tired of willful political blindness, but never tired of politics. Hopeful for the future.