Not every week provides us with a long-form rant to snark about. Sometimes we have to settle for snarking a little about a few different people sharing their very own brand of stupid with the world. And that’s where Snark Bites comes to the rescue!
This evening’s first victim is none other than 45 himself. (You knew this had to be done, sooner or later, right?) The Former Guy (also known as Florida Man or Orange Florida Man or Orange Dumbsicle) released yet another of his petulant whines into a vacuum on Thursday. Here it is:
My phone call to the Secretary of State of Georgia was perfect, perhaps even more so than my call with the Ukranian President, if that’s possible.
Someone should ask Fani Willis how perfectly perfect Trump’s call to Raffensperger was…
Also, since perfect is a superlative, then, grammatically speaking, it’s not possible for one perfect thing to be more perfect than another perfect thing. But you do you, Donnie…
Although I assumed the call may have been inappropriately, and perhaps illegally, recorded, I was not informed of that.
That’s a whole lotta stupid and lies to pack into 19 words; so let’s break it down, okay?
1) Atlanta Magazine has an article covering the various aspects of the call and whether or not it was legal. In a nutshell, Georgia and DC (where Trump was calling from) have “single-party consent” laws when it comes to someone recording a call they’re on. So Raffesperger was not only allowed to record a call he was on, he didn’t have to divulge that he was recording it.
2) Trump was trying to strong-arm Raffensperger into “finding” enough votes to win the election. And when he said “find,” he didn’t really mean that he believed there were votes just lying around that hadn’t yet been counted.
3) And finally, if Trump truly assumed the call was being recorded, why did he say anything that even hinted he was wanting Raffensperger to help him steal the election in Georgia? Most people try to avoid criming if they think there’s a decent chance someone’s gathering evidence of that crime at the time they’re committing it…
I didn’t say anything wrong in that call, made while I was President on behalf of the United States of America, to look into the massive voter fraud which took place in Georgia.
Oh, nice, it’s one of those run-on sentences Trump is so apt to type…
You didn’t make the phone call for the benefit of the United States, Donnie. You made it for your personal benefit. So please don’t pretend you did this in your official capacity as POTUS.
Just last week, it was further determined that they are looking into ballot harvesting in Fulton County, after supposedly watching tapes of it actually taking place. This alone could be tens of thousands of votes.
As Brad Reffensperger and True the Vote have said, even if the ballots were illegally harvested, there’s no evidence at this point that the ballots themselves were fraudulent.
I’m a bit more skeptical of investigations which are started based on the word of an anonymous source than maybe SoS Raffensperger is, though…
What this Civil Special Grand Jury should be looking into is not my perfect phone call, but the large scale voter fraud that took place in Georgia. Then they would be doing a great job for the people. No more political witch hunts!
It wouldn’t be a Trump tweet ™ or a reasonable facsimile thereof if he didn’t throw “witch hunt” in there somewhere. So whew! Good thing he ended with that!
Ritual Victim #2 in this evening’s roundup is spokesweasel for Madison Cawthorn Luke Ball. In defending his loathsome boss who was seen cleaning his gun during a virtual congressional hearing, Ball said:
“What could possibly be more patriotic than guns and veterans?”
Most people who hold elected office would find it more patriotic to do their job and respectfully listen to testimony, rather than engage in an ostentatious show of their disdain for the topic and those providing testimony for the committee.
But maybe I don’t understand patriotism, CONservative style?
Ritual Victim #3 is Don Huffines, who’s apparently running for Governor in Texas, for the Gee We’re Stupid party. (Okay, it’s the GOP…) His slogan is: More freedom, less government. Leadership. No Excuses.
He said this:
No one should be forced to get a vaccine if they don't want it, whether it's by business or the government or anyone else.
I've never had the vaccine, I'm not taking the vaccine.
We must outlaw vaccine mandates in Texas.
— Don Huffines (@DonHuffines) January 20, 2022
Shhhh! Nobody tell Don that Texas already mandates all kinds of vaccines for students in their public school system, as well as in higher education.
So does he think kids shouldn’t be vaccinated for polio, tetanus, diptheria, German measles, or any number of other diseases which once were common and deadly?
I can hardly wait to see the campaign slogan for that: More childhood mortality, less accountability for dumbass politicians! No apologies!
Feel free to add your own snark bites in the comments below, and, as always, the Night Owl is an open thread. Stay snarky, folks!