TNB Night Owl — Snark Bites, Doofus Awards Edition!

12 October Carp Tail (second version) Photo by Howard J.

So I’ve decided to have my own Doofus Awards show. These are this week’s winners!

In the “Best performance by a lying shyster” category:

SEAN HANNITY (HOST): Alina, are the medical records, the tax records, attorney-client privilege records; I know the passports have been returned. Have they been returned, number one? Number two, the FBI did ask that Mar-a-Lago turn off their security cameras. You did not turn them off. Will you be releasing those videos?


Me: Really? Because you weren’t cooperating when you told the FBI And NARA that you’d turned over all classified materials back in June and it turns out they found even more in August. So… yeah.

ALINA HABBA (UNSCRUPULOUS AMBULANCE CHASER): We always have; we always will. Every investigation–


ALINA HABBA: –as you stated–

SEAN HANNITY: (waving his hand) Somebody like me, I’ll take ’em. I’d love to have ’em. Yeah, hello. I’m the guy workin’ in the press here.

Me: Oh, so I guess today it’s clown nose off, “I’m a real journalist”? And tommorrow? shrug

ALINA HABBA: You know… (breaks out laughing now that she heard and processed what Hannity said.) Sean, you’ll have me on and I’ll talk about ’em. But I don’t know if we’ll release ’em. The truth–

Me: Gee, there’s a novel concept: the truth coming out of her mouth for a change…

ALINA HABBA: –the truth is, unlike some of these federal agencies, we don’t leak. We follow the rules.

Me: Um… didn’t they leak the warrant and receipt without redactions? Why, yes. Yes, they did:

See also this.

ALINA HABBA: And I’m actually really proud of the Trump team today. It was a major win.

Me: From a Trump-loyal judge, apparently, who contorted and twisted the law to give them that win… I mean, that’s like your boyfriend judging the beauty and giving you the sash…

ALINA HABBA: We won on all counts. And, and I think it’s important it relays (sic) faith and at the end of the day, they delayed it ’til November 30th. So their plans of messing around with the election, yet again with midterm–

Me: When the FBI helps them by announcing publicly they’re going to investigate Hillary’s emails again, that’s cool. When they are investigating Trump well before 60 days, somehow they’re “interfering.”

It’s like they have a double standard here or something…

ALINA HABBA: — got a little screwed up today.

SEAN HANNITY: Well, let me–

ALINA HABBA: Sorry about that guys! But you shouldn’t have been so far-reaching. Yeah.

Me: I hate this cocky little b.

SEAN HANNITY: Is there anything that prohibits you from releasing those videotapes?

Me: Because I really love me some leaks when they come from our side!

ALINA HABBA: You know why, we wouldn’t, honestly, Sean?

Me: Can you give us an honest answer, Alina? No, I don’t think you can…

ALINA HABBA: Because the president cares too much about the agents and the enforcement that were just doing their job.

Me: Like he cared about the Capitol officers who were defening the building from attack from the mob he incited…

ALINA HABBA: And we have been told–

SEAN HANNITY: You could, you could pixel out–

ALINA HABBA: –lives have been put at risk–

Me: Yes, by the entitled crazies you wound up.


SEAN HANNITY: Well, we can pixel out their faces.

ALINA HABBA: Well, maybe then. Maybe then. (laughing) You know, this isn’t my case.

SEAN HANITY: We do that to Greg Jarret on great occasion. He’s having a bad hair day.

All I can say is she really has an issue with the truth, doesn’t she?

In the “these people, I can’t even” category:

In the “ironically unaware of what he just said” category:

“Republicans have to be the champion of people being involved in their own healthcare decisions.”

Unless they’re female and might get pregnant, in which case, no. Not on your life!

In the “so much for our boycot” category:

In the “why the hell can’t she go away already” category:

In the “our solution doesn’t address the problem at all” category:

In the “your spin machine isn’t working” category:

In the “we care about women’s issues, it’s just the wrong issues we put priority on” category:

In the “way to miss the point” category:

tl;dr: If he just had more money, Masters could win this thing!

Yeah, no. Not happening… Also, I hate to mention this, but Peter Theil’s money is his to do with as he pleases. If he thinks throwing money at Masters is a good idea, he’d already be doing that. Clearly, he doesn’t, and Masters isn’t entitled to it, either way.

In the “Christians are being maligned just like the Jews” category:

And as a followup:

In the “we’re spoiled children who are going to hold our breath if we don’t get our way” category:

So that’s it for today! Tell me who you think should win in the comments below!

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