(Open Thread) Snark Bites: Doofus Awards for the Week Ending October 22, 2022

12 October Carp Tail (second version) Photo by Howard J.

I don’t know who this dude is, but Jesus be like, “I don’t think so, dude.”

Steve Deace:

STEVE DEACE: The Democratic party is not a political party; it is one in name only. It is a demonic construct. Call it what it is. You’re voting for a demonic construct.

Me: This seems like a lot of projection to me…

STEVE DEACE: You’re not compassionate. You’re not tolerant. You’re not kind.

Me: I’m still seeing all kinds of projection…

STEVE DEACE: You’re anything but. You’re voting for dudes teabagging their hairy sacks on children at public libraries and public schools.

Me: Um… I’m old enough to remember when the right had the vapors over people like Anderson Cooper calling them “teabaggers.” Now they call the other side that, and go into graphic detail. Who are the groomers, again?

STEVE DEACE: You’re voting for that. That’s what you’re for.

Me: No, Steve. Nobody’s “for” that. Nobody’s doing that to anyone. Though I’d argue that the right is certainly metaphorically teabagging the rest of us…

STEVE DEACE: You’re for it. If you are a part of this–

Me: Nobody’s a part of this, Steve. But the fact that you’re going into graphic detail about this should give us all pause…

STEVE DEACE: –if you vote for this–

Me: Nobody’s voting to have men teabag kids in public libraries, Steve. Literally, nobody.

STEVE DEACE: –you are aiding and abetting a demonic construct. A satanically-influenced entity. And a death cult.

Me: Sure, Jan. You might want to check in the mirror to see who the satanically-influenced party is…

Ali Alexander:

ALI ALEXANDER: It’s all about willpower. Like, are you willing to set yourself on fire for what you want–


ALI ALEXANDER: –to win. And our side has got to be a higher concentration of “yes.”

Me: Um… help me out here. Didn’t Steve Deace just say it’s democrats who are the death cult? And yet Ali Alexander is telling them they need to set themselves on fire for what they want. That sounds kinda death-culty to me…

ALI ALEXANDER: Right now, they’re willing to break the Constitution, break the law, imprison political prisoners, act like Soviet punks. And, do all of that.

Me: Remind me which leader of a political party led an insurrection against Congress, in order to prevent the peaceful transfer of power. That would be the party breaking the Constitution.

ALI ALEXANDER: We have to plus one that.

Me: You’re already the ones doing it. And now you want to do it even more? Fuck you.

ALI ALEXANDER (DISINGENUOUS SHIT-STIRRER): We have to jail democrats, we have to censor their asses, we have to make them beg–


ALI ALEXANDER (DISINGENUOUS SHIT-STIRRER): –for a peace treaty with us.

Me: How about you all climb into one of Elon Musk’s rockets and get shot out into space? No particular destination; just generally into space.

ALI ALEXANDER (DISINGENUOUS SHIT-STIRRER): (crosstalk) For understanding. There’s no point in coming to an understanding before we have buy-in from them.

BAKED ALASKA: That’s right.

Me: Sorry. These are the same assholes who told us less than a month after the insurrection that the rest of us needed to “move on,” now that Trump was no longer in office.


Me: Mainly because the right is a bunch of wussy snowflakes who don’t like it when social media platforms (which aren’t government entities) tell them they can’t say certain things on their sites.

Basically, the right is butthurt and they want to punish anyone who made them feel bad…

BAKED ALASKA: Well, yeah. And, and I mean, you said that so well. We haven’t literally gone through hell in these last few years.

Me: You’re right. You haven’t literally gone through hell…

BAKED ALASKA (PODCASTING DUMBASS): Political persecution, how the January 6th people have been treated–

Me: You mean the assholes who tried to overthrow the government and install Trump as king?

BAKED ALASKA (PODCASTING DUMBASS): –like absolute terrorists!

Me: That’s because they literally are terrorists. Did we see members of the House cowering in fear, hiding up in the gallery as the building was breached by the mob? Did we hear the mob chanting “Hang Mike Pence! Hang Mike Pence”? Yes, we did. Those people were in fear for their lives. So don’t act like those causing their fear weren’t terrorists, because they were.

BAKED ALASKA (PODCASTING DUMBASS): They literally call us terrorists–

Me: If the foo shits…

BAKED ALASKA (PODCASTING DUMBASS): –uh, wow! I, I mean I’m just looking forward to when I get my bag right (?) suing the fuck outta CNN and those pieces of shit, dude. It’s terrible what they’ve done to us. All the, um, income we’ve lost from being banned from social media.

Me: And there it is. It’s all about their grift. It was only, ever about the money for them.

BAKED ALASKA (PODCASTING DUMBASS): All the relationships. Like, I am ready to go ham (?) on them. Gotta, gotta get my money, right. Gotta finish my legal shit and all that.

Me: As I said, it’s about the money. It’s about payback for costing them some rubles from the rubes. That’s it. It’s not about anything more than that.

Edward Szall and Lauren Witzke

Dalton Clodfelter (emphasis on the clod), agrees.

This is why the GOP cannot be allowed to ever regain power. Because this really is the future they want. They’ve said so.

Marco Rubio:

I didn’t realize it was the media’s job to help you sell your message. They sell ad space for a reason, dude.

Erick Erickson, defending plutocrats…

Okay, I’m covered with enough ick today from wallowing in the gutter, so I’m outta here. (Also, I have errands to run…) Discuss whatever you like in the comment section, and I’ll see you this time tomorrow for our noir film, “Cage of Evil.”

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