Coffee Talk with Tiff

March 30, 2026 1:50 pm EDT Tiff Coffee Talk with Tiff 0
Image credit: AI-generated illustration created with ChatGPT

It’s Monday…

Shitshow’s public schedule for…

03/30/2026:


Normal Doesn’t Live Here Anymore

Last week, the Lying Liar That Lies held a cult meeting in the White House. During it, he delivered a multi-minute monologue about pens.

Lying Liar the Lies:

For $25 million, and it would be better. It would be better.

See this pen right here? This pen is an interesting example; it’s the same thing. So, this pen is very inexpensive, but it writes well, I like it. But I can’t have the pen the way it was. You know what it is? I don’t want to give too much publicity, but they do treat me well, Sharpie.

So, I came here, they have $1,000 pens.

And you know, you hand pens out, you’re signing and you hand them out. You’re handing them to all these people. Sometimes you have 30 or 40 people, and they were $1,000 apiece. Beautiful pen, ballpoint, $1,000. It was gold, silver, gorgeous.

But I’m handing out to kids that don’t even know what the hell — what is this, mommy? There’s kids, they’re getting a pen for $1,000. They have no idea what it is.

And I feel guilty because I’m like, you know, by nature I don’t — you know, it’s the government. I love the government like I love myself economically. I want to save money, so I’m saying this is crazy.

And I had another problem: they didn’t write well.

So, I take it out and I sign it and there’s no ink, and I’ve got all you people looking, and you’re saying there must be something wrong with Trump. And I’m signing and there’s no ink in the pen and it cost $1,000. That’s when I called the guy. I said, I’d like to use your pen, but I can’t have a gray thing with a big S on it saying Sharpie as I’m signing a $1 trillion airplane contract to buy brand new fighter jets, brand new B-2 bombers, of which we just ordered plenty.

I can’t do that with the press, use your pen, but I like the pen the best, but I’ll sign it. I could do like Biden did, you know, give it to somebody else to sign or an auto pen. Or maybe sign it separately in another room, but I can’t use your pen.

He said, “Well, I can make it nicer.” I said, “What can you do?” He said, “I’ll paint it black.”

I said, “That’s nice. And I can even paint the White House on it, sir, if you like, in gold, almost real gold, not bad. And I can even do your signature, sir.”

And by the way, this was not staged; I just saw the pen sitting there. I thought that this is an example of how $25 million spent by me at the Federal Reserve building would be a better job than $4 billion that they’re spending.

RollCall.com. 03/26/2026.

Because we no longer live in normal times, the Washington Post reached out to Sharpie to confirm whether this actually happened.

Presented with a transcript of Trump’s account, a spokesperson for Sharpie maker Newell Brands said it did not occur.

“We don’t have any information about the conversation described,” the spokesperson said. “We’re proud to be a beloved brand trusted by so many globally.”

Washington Post. 03/27/2026.

Yesterday, the Lying Liar That Lies held court with the press aboard Air Force One. He said Russia helping Cuba with oil isn’t a problem—and doesn’t help Putin.

Reporter: There’s a report that the U.S. is gonna let a Russian oil tanker go to Cuba. Is that true?

Lying Liar that Lies: Well, we have a tanker out there. We don’t mind having somebody get a boatload because they need, they have to survive.

Reporter: So that, that report is true as far as you know or?

Lying Liar that Lies: Well, I, I would say, I told them, if a country wants to send some oil into Cuba right now, I have no problem with it.

Reporter: Do you worry that that helps Vladimir Putin?

Lying Liar that Lies: Whether it’s — whether it’s Russia or not. What?

Reporter: Do you worry that that helps Vladimir Putin though?

Lying Liar that Lies: Doesn’t help him. He loses one boatload of oil, that’s all it is. It’s fine.

Reporter: President. President.

Lying Liar that Lies: If he wants to do that, and if other countries want to do it, it doesn’t bother me much. It’s not going to have an impact. Cuba’s finished. They have a bad regime. They have very bad and corrupt leadership. And whether or not they get a boat of oil, it’s not going to matter. I’d prefer letting it in, whether it’s Russia or anybody else, because the people need heat and cooling and all of the other things that you need.

RollCall.com. 03/29/2026.

CNN (03/30/2026):

A Russian-flagged oil tanker reportedly reached Cuba on Monday after US President Donald Trump allowed it to break his administration’s fuel blockade of the island nation as its energy crisis deepens.

The Russian transport ministry said the Anatoly Kolodkin – a tanker with nearly 730,000 barrels of oil onboard – had arrived at the Matanzas port in Cuba on Monday, according to Russian state-run news agencies. CNN could not independently verify the ship’s location; data from the ship tracking site MarineTraffic showed it as being just off Cuba on Monday morning.

Dmitry Peskov, the spokesman for Russian President Vladimir Putin also said on Monday the ship had arrived in Cuba. Asked if the US agreed to let the tanker through, Peskov said: “As for the American side, I can only confirm that this issue was indeed raised in advance during contacts with our American counterparts.”

Washington has ratcheted up pressure on Cuba in recent months, cutting supplies from its main oil supplier Venezuela and threatening other providers with additional tariffs, as it billed Havana as “an extraordinary threat.”

CNN (03/30/2026).

During that same press gaggle, he took time for show-and-tell, holding up a rendering of his latest vanity project—the ballroom nobody asked for.

He’s so Vain: And that porch will be magnificent looking in between the columns. They no longer — we took the stairs out that were on the south side and really replaced them with these here. So you have an open porch and you have the closed porch under the columns overlooking the Washington Monument, the Jefferson Memorial, and the Lincoln Memorial.

So that’s great. This is a view of the columns as they are going to be made. They’re going to be hand carved and they’re beautiful. Top of the line. They’ll be Corinthian, which is considered the best, most beautiful by far. Okay?

Reporter: What’s your timeline on this thing?

He’s so Vain: Timeline. So we’re ahead of schedule and under budget, and all of this money — all of the money paid — is paid by myself and donors, and it’s all donors. There’s not one dime of government money going into the ballroom. Now the military is building a big complex under the ballroom, which has come out recently because of a stupid lawsuit that was filed, but the military’s building a massive complex under the ballroom, and that’s under construction and we’re doing very well.

So we’re ahead of schedule. It’s part of it. And the ballroom essentially becomes a shed for what’s being built under the military, including from drones and including from any other thing. The glass on the windows — you see the big windows — the glass is extremely thick. It’s high-grade bulletproof glass.

So all of the windows are bulletproof. I think the Times wrote, too, some of the windows are fake. We have no fake windows. They said, they talked about a stairway in the south. We don’t have a stairway in the south. That was replaced a long time ago. But this is a view of it from the north.

And if you see it, it fits in with the White House. It’s almost a twin to the White House. It’s something we just wanted to pay tribute to the White House. And so that fits in beautifully. Let me just see another one. Here’s another one.

Reporter: When will the Iranian — [Inaudible]

He’s so Vain: Wait, excuse me, wait. I thought I’d do this now because it’s easier. I’m so busy that I don’t have time to do this, but I’m fighting wars and other things. But this is very important because this is going to be with us for a long time, and it’s going to be, I think, the greatest ballroom anywhere in the world. It’s the highest level. Same height, exact height — if not higher — same height as the White House, exactly the same height. And if you look, you have the White House over here, you have this. And that’s a duplicate of the wall. So it pays total homage to the White House, which is, I think, very important.

RollCall.com. 03/29/2026.

All of the money paid — is paid by myself and donors, and it’s all donors. There’s not one dime of government money going into the ballroom.

cough That’s bullshit. cough

Speaking of not normal…

Over the weekend, the sitting U.S. president—who has started a war in Iran, threatened Greenland, and is now eyeing Cuba—posted 14 times on Lies Social insisting his “housing chief” has accused Letitia James of a new crime.

Ten of those 14 posts came Sunday between 9:26 and 9:35 p.m. D.C. time—ten posts in nine minutes.

The new criminal referral was reported by NBC News (03/25/2026):

A Trump administration official made two criminal referrals Wednesday against New York Attorney General Letitia James months after the Justice Department failed for a third time in its efforts to prosecute the longtime target of President Donald Trump.

Federal Housing Finance Agency Director Bill Pulte alleged in the referrals that James committed insurance fraud, saying she may have falsified information on separate homeowner’s insurance applications regarding occupancy at two homes in Norfolk, Virginia, according to documents obtained by NBC News.

NBC News. 03/25/2026.

And since the start of the new week wouldn’t be complete without some market manipulation…

Grifter said this morning:

As the stock market opened it worked:

It isn’t working the same currently:

The New York Post reported that the NEW AND MORE REASONABLE, REGIME leader that Potato is talking to is Iranian parliamentary speaker Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf:

He exclusively told The Post that the US will find out whether the speaker is willing to work with Americans –soon.

“We’re gonna find out,” Trump told The Post when asked about Iran’s Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf. “I’ll let you know that in about a week.”

New York Post. 03/30/2026.

On Sunday the allegedly official Twitter account for Mohammed Bagher Ghalibaf posted this:

Because normal left the building a while ago, Ghalibaf isn’t wrong.

Sticking with the “normal is dead and buried” theme…

On Wednesday, the Supreme Court hears arguments over one of the administration’s first executive orders—ending birthright citizenship.

Ahead of those arguments Toddler threw a tantrum.

Nothing says “fearless leader” quite like planning for your own executive order to fail.


I gotta stop there otherwise, I will not being posting this post today…

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About Tiff 3549 Articles
Member of the Free Press who is politically homeless and a political junkie.