Coffee Talk with Tiff

October 22, 2025 12:59 pm EDT Tiff Coffee Talk with Tiff 0
Coffee. Photo by Jonathan Thursfield.

It’s Tuesday…

President Shitshow’s public schedule for…

Wednesday, October 22 2025
9:00 AMIn-Town Pool Call TimeThe White House In-Town Pool
4:00 PM
The President participates in a meeting with the Secretary General of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization
Oval Office Closed Press

On October 16, he posted a self-congratulatory Truth announcing his upcoming meeting with Vladimir Putin — another grand performance piece in his ongoing campaign to look like the world’s only freelance diplomat.

Fast-forward a few days, and reports now say the Budapest sit-down has been “paused,” which in political translation usually means “the other guy stopped returning calls.”

That leaves him today sitting down with the NATO secretary instead — a fitting pivot from Russian strongman fantasies to the alliance he’s spent years mocking, and just to make sure no one misses the irony, yesterday he followed up with remarks that were somehow both defensive and self-aggrandizing — sometimes within the same breath.

Which brings us to yesterday’s comments — the verbal gymnastics routine he performs whenever reality catches up to his press releases.

Russ Vought = Darth Vader, according to President Lives-in-the-Movies.
(Roll tape.)

President Lives-in-the-Movies:
And I will say this, that we have Darth Vader — you know Darth Vader, right? Darth Vader is a man who I think is sitting right — is Darth — stand up, please, Darth Vader.

Stand up. Does everybody know? They call him Darth Vader. I call him a fine man. But he’s cutting Democrat priorities and they’re never going to get him back. And they’ve caused us and they’ve really allowed us to do it. And by the way, thank you. You’re doing a great job, I have to tell you. So really a great job.

Speaking of movies…
(Roll tape.)

President Lives-in-the-Movies:
We’ve had press conferences. We finished it about a month ago. This is, as you see over here, the Presidential Walk of Fame.

And we had this long wall with half windows because that used to be a swimming pool on the other side of the wall. That was the swimming pool where Jackie would say, I hear women inside, are women inside? Quite a famous — I’m not saying anything. This was part of a movie and the Secret Service said, No, ma’am. There’s no women in sight, ma’am. I’m sorry, ma’am, you’re going to have to move along.

But I hear women inside! No, ma’am. You’ll have to move along, ma’am. So that was the famous swimming pool. Now it’s even worse — it’s for the media. They covered the pool up. They covered the pool up and now it’s for the media, and I think we have a small representative group. I don’t think they allowed the rest of them.

I don’t — I can’t believe it. What happened? They’re all on the other side of the wall.

“Tariff Shelf”…
(Roll tape.)

President Delusion:
But we’re a wealthy country again.

Last week, as you know, they found $31 billion. They came to see me — Sir, we found $31 billion. They said, We don’t know why. I said, Was this a good find or a bad find? It was a good find. It was a plus 31. We’re used to finding 31s, right, for the last 30 years. I said, Check the tariff shelf.

Well, those tariffs haven’t kicked in. Yes, they did — they kicked in two months ago, check it. He comes back two hours later, Sir, you were right. We have an additional $31 billion — billion, not million, Lindsay, billion — that we just found from tariffs. They kicked in earlier than we thought. You were right.

— FYI: I know for a fact I covered this, but I’ve burned thirty minutes trying to find where. I will find it though!, eventually…

President Felon confirmed reporting that he’s seeking millions in taxpayer money from the DOJ as compensation for all the “harm” he’s suffered from them daring to investigate his criming.
(Roll tape.)

Reporter: Mr. President, are you asking the Justice Department to look into the federal investigations into you and look for compensation? And how much are you asking for?

President Felon: Who’s asking for what?

Reporter: Are you asking the Justice Department to pay you compensation for—

President Felon: Whose compensation?

Reporter: Your federal—the federal investigations into you? Are you asking them to pay compensation and how much?

President Felon: To me? I don’t get any compensation. I do it for nothing. I gave up my salary. Into me?

Reporter: No, it’s going to be the Justice Department. Are you asking them to pay you compensation for the federal investigations that happened to you? And how much are you asking?

President Felon: Well, I guess they probably owe me a lot of money for that. Probably. Yeah, that’s true. That’s very interesting. No, I get no salary. I gave up my salary. It’s a good salary, not as much as these guys make, but that’s OK. It’s a lot of money and I don’t—as you know, I didn’t take it in the first four years.

I’m not taking it in these four years either. But as far as all of the litigation and everything that’s been involved, yeah, they probably owe me a lot of money. But if I get money from our country, I’ll do something nice with it, like give it to charity or give it to the White House while we restore the White House.

And we’re doing a great job in the White House. As you know, the ballroom is under construction. It’s going to be—they’ve been trying to get it for 150 years. And it’s really—I think it’s going to be fantastic.

Reporter: Can I just follow up on her question to you, because The New York Times is reporting that your legal team is seeking $230 million from your own Justice Department now in response to the investigations into you.

President Felon: It could be.

Reporter: Is that something you want your legal team to do?

President Felon: I don’t know what the numbers are, I don’t even talk to them about it. All I know is that they would owe me a lot of money, but I don’t — I’m not looking for money. I’d give it to charity or something. I would give it to charity, any money. But look what they did, they rigged the election. And as you know, we had in one case 60 Minutes had to pay us a lot of money.

George Slopadopoulos had to pay us a lot of money. And they already paid — you know, they paid me a lot of money because what they did was wrong. And you know, when somebody does what’s wrong — now with the country, it’s interesting because I’m the one that makes the decision, right? And you know, that decision would have to go across my desk.

And it’s awfully strange to make a decision where I’m paying myself. In other words, did you ever have one of those cases where you have to decide how much you’re paying yourself in damages? But I was damaged very greatly. And any money that I would get I would give to charity.

And that brings us full circle — from imaginary villains and cinematic history lessons to fiscal fairy tales and legal self-pity.

Tomorrow’s problem: figuring out which part of this he’ll “re-clarify” next. For now, lights out in the Oval Reality Show.

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About Tiff 3343 Articles
Member of the Free Press who is politically homeless and a political junkie.