It’s Thanksgiving in the Bohemian Grove, and true to form they’ve invited every major player on the American political scene. All of the Skull & Bones people are coming, the Bilderbergers, the Council on Foreign Relations, everyone. Of course the body doubles will be used for family and public gatherings, but this is where the power names will really celebrate.
As always, the US President is the guest of honor, and President Trump is going to be in attendance, commemorating the occasion with his most orange shade of spray tan.
Alex Jones and his Infowars crew has been invited, as they’ve been every year since the Trump election. Jerome Corsi is expected to use his “I can go deeper state” pick-up line again, and Ruth Bader Ginsberg is expected to toss him into the trash pile again, despite her broken ribs.
The usual rules apply. Everyone is allowed to bring one guest, and everyone is requested – though not expected – to bring one dish. The hosts of this secret soiree learned long ago not to depend on a politician to do anything, so backup food is already prepared.
Wagers are flying among the Grove’s staffers as to who and what will be brought. Here are some examples:
Senator Grassley was due to bring green bean casserole, but President Trump told him to let Senator Graham bring it instead, and Grassley is now bringing nothing to the table.
President Trump told Rep. Kevin McCarthy to let Jim Jordan bring the pumpkin pie, but McCarthy’s bringing it anyway and Jordan is instead bringing time-share brochures for Mar-a-Lago area rental properties.
Nancy Pelosi is bringing a turkey neck.
Senator Mitch McConnell is bringing cooked frog’s legs, his yearly demonstration that his true allegiance lies with the human side of his heritage.
President Obama is bringing Kanye West. Correction, President Trump is bringing Kanye West. Correction, nobody is bringing Kanye West.
Joe Biden has stated he’ll be bringing some Dunkin’ Donuts, provided he can brush up on his slight Indian accent.
Sarah Sanders is expected to bring mashed potatoes again, and expected to insist once more that they’re actually peas.
Michael Bloomberg will be bringing gelt, small chocolate coins wrapped in gold foil, as his yearly reminder that he’s a New York politician and businessman who truly is a billionaire.
Alex Jones will be bringing child actors he’ll pretend are his kids.
Anyone else who’s peeked at the guest list? Please feel encouraged to add your secret information!