Let’s take a drive through Illinois to find some weird state laws! Tune in next Friday to see the best comments from this weekend’s Night Owls!
- A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts
- In Urbana, it is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana
- According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is “American”
- In Des Plaines, Wheelbarrows with for-sale signs may not be chained to trees
- In Eureka, a man with a moustache may not kiss a women
- In Evanstan, Bowling is forbidden
- In Homer, it is unlawful to use a sling shot unless you are law enforcement
- It is illegal to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets
- In Evanstan, It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire
- In Chicago, it is illegal to take a poodle to the opera
- It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a deer’s antlers
- In Kirkland, bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any Kirkland streets
- In Kenilworth, a rooster must step back three hundred feet from any residence is he wishes to crow; Hens that wish to cackle must step two hundred feet back from any residence
- It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits
- In Normal, it is illegal to make faces at a dog
- You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of “eavesdropping” on your own conversation
- It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window
- Jostling others is illegal
- In Joliet, town fathers, reflecting the pet peeve of hearing their town’s name mispronounced ‘Jolly-ETTE’ when all local folk know it’s pronounced ‘Joe-lee-ETTE’, made pronouncing it Jolly-ette a misdemeanor, punishable by a $5 fine
- In Oblong, it’s punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
- In Park Ridge, trucks may only park inside closed garages
- In Springfield, “Dwarf-tossing,” is outlawed in bars
I think the men of Oblong were so jealous that Bob was able to have sex and bag a deer at the same time. I am dying to hear the testimony from the witnesses of the first “Dwarf-tossing” fiasco… Also, I am down with the mayor of Park Ridge for getting those d*mn trucks of the streets, even if only for a little while. I’ll enjoy the peace.
Questions of the night:
- What are your best theories to explain these weird laws?
- If you were dictator for a day, what law would you create?
- If you were dictator for a day, what law would you abolish?
