Let’s drive through Massachusetts, but be careful not to double pahk yah cah while we’re finding weird state laws! (Yes, I know, shoot me for that joke)
Tune in next time on diners, drive ins- I mean, tune in next Friday to see this weekends comment highlights!
- It is illegal to give beer to hospital patients
- Candy may not contain more than 1% of alcohol
- It is illegal to frighten a pigeon
- Defacing a milk carton is punishable by a $10 fine
- In Holyoke, makes it unlawful to water your lawn when it is raining
- It is illegal to reproach Jesus Christ or the holy ghost
- if you get caught eating peanuts in church, you can be jailed for up to
- one year
- Shooting ranges may not set up targets that resemble human beings
- It is unlawful to deliver diapers on Sunday
- In Holyoke, It is unlawful to water your lawn when it is raining
- It’s illegal to keep a mule on the second floor of a building not in a city unless there are 2 exits
- At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches
- In Provincetown, it’s illegal to sell suntan oil until after noon on Sunday
- Affiliation with the Communist party is illegal
- It’s illegal to drive Texan, Mexican, Cherokee, or Indian cattle on a public road
- In Newton, All families must be given a hog from the town’s mayor
- Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked
- In Longmeadow, It is illegal for two men to carry a bathtub across the town green
- You may not, at any time take a crap on your neighbor
- Fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from going into bakeries
- Gorilla’s are not allowed in the back seat of any car
- In Cambridge, It costs $50 extra for a permit for hurling, soccer or Gaelic football games in a public park on a Sunday
- It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath
- In Marlboro, It is illegal to buy, sell or possess a squirt gun
- A woman can not be on top in sexual activities
- Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes
- In Hingham, You may not have colored lights on your house if it can be seen from Main Street
- Tomatoes may not be used in the production of clam chowder
- Quakers and witches are banned
- In Marlboro, silly string is illegal within city limits
- Bullets may not be used as currency
- Alcoholic drink specials are illegal
- Public boxing matches are outlawed
Bonus: Boston Laws
- It is illegal to play the fiddle
- It is illegal to shoot a bow and arrow in the street
- It is illegal to take more than 2 baths a month within Boston confine
- Two people may not kiss in front of a church
- It is unlawful to injure a football goal post
- It’s against the law to keep manure in a building unless the building is being used as a stable
- If it is, you can keep up to two cords of manure. If you’re overstocked, you need a permit to move the stuff. And you can’t leave it in the street
- No more than two baths may be taken within the confines of the city
- No one may cross the Boston Common without carrying a shotgun in case of bears
- It’s illegal to post an advertisement on a public urinal
- It is illegal to take a bath unless instructed to do so by a physician
- It’s against the law to hang a vending machine on a utility pole
- Anyone may let their sheep and cows graze in the public gardens/commons at any time except Sundays
- It is illegal to eat peanuts in church
- It’s illegal to cut firewood in the street
- It’s illegal to rummage through rubbish containers
- An old law prohibits the taking of baths on Sunday
- Duels to the death permitted on the common on Sundays provided that the Governor is present
- Women may not wear heels over 3 inches in length while on the common
- No one may take a bath without a prescription
- It is illegal for any citizen to own more than three dogs
“Defacing a milk carton is punishable by a $10 fine” Well what kind of horrid person would cut off the face of a missing kid anyway?! Get it? Defacing? 10 points to Emily for dark and inappropriate humor. “It is unlawful to deliver diapers on Sunday” When a kid poops a kid poops, they have no semblance of caring for what day it is. “You may not, at any time take a crap on your neighbor” It’s good to know you have an out if your weird neighbor asks you to poop on them. Can’t argue with the law!
Questions of the night:
- What are your best theories to explain these weird laws?
- If you were dictator for a day, what law would you create?
- If you were dictator for a day, what law would you abolish?
