TNB Night Owl – Be Careful Of What You Pick Up In The Woods

This is a TNB Public Service Announcement. Be Careful Of What You Pick Up In The Woods!

I run in the woods nearly every day. Usually by myself…it’s peaceful solitude and great for reducing Trump-induced or general stress, as well as thinking of ideas about what to write about next.

Usually nothing weird happens other than sometimes landing on my face from tripping on a root or getting stung by a bee, or twisting an ankle by landing on a rock the wrong way. But you pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and move forward…much like life.

Today, however, something weird happened.

Running along the trail, deep in thought, I came upon an object laying in my path. It was a red, plastic, cylindrical object about 4 inches long. I could see that there was a black switch on the side.

This is what it was:

Now, some of you might immediately know what this is.

Unfortunately, I did not.

My first thought was that it was a little flashlight. It made the most sense to me because our trail running group often runs in these woods at night…in the dark. We generally use a headlamp to shine our way, but many of us also carry small flashlights about this size because with just a headlamp, your depth perception can be awkward due to the shadows being cast…a second, lower handheld light helps with that.

But I also had a second thought about what it was. I thought that it was also possible that it was a “toy”…you know, of a sexual nature. Now, I have no idea what the heck that would be doing out in the woods…our trail running group just isn’t that kind of group! But, you never know. We’re certainly not the only ones who utilize the woods, and I’m sure running isn’t the only thing that goes on in them. We did find a bra laying at the side of the trail once during a group run.

So, I kicked it around a bit to see if I could get a better idea. In doing so, I notice the concave end, where it looked like a light might be beamed out of, so I concluded that it was, indeed, a flashlight.

I picked it up and casually flicked the switch on it to see if the light worked.

This is when I immediately determined that it was NOT a flashlight.

Unfortunately, it was also NOT a sex toy…that would have been the preferred alternative!

And that, my friends, is how an idiot pepper sprays himself!

Thankfully, it wasn’t a direct hit…I basically just walked into the cloud. But that was enough to abruptly end my run for the day, as I stumbled my way out of the woods.

At least I was no longer thinking about Trump.

Hey! Maybe there’s a market for that!

So, Night Owl question of the night: Have you ever done anything where you immediately realized how stupid it was but it was too late to not have to suffer the consequences?

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About Steve Wood 257 Articles
I am a husband, a father, a small business owner, a veteran, and a Citizen of the United States. As my avatar depicts, I believe The People need to relearn and focus on the basic principles that our Republic was built upon. My contributions here will be geared toward that end. Please join me in rational, civil discourse.