This is a TNB Public Service Announcement. Be Careful Of What You Pick Up In The Woods!
I run in the woods nearly every day. Usually by myself…it’s peaceful solitude and great for reducing Trump-induced or general stress, as well as thinking of ideas about what to write about next.
Usually nothing weird happens other than sometimes landing on my face from tripping on a root or getting stung by a bee, or twisting an ankle by landing on a rock the wrong way. But you pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and move forward…much like life.
Today, however, something weird happened.
Running along the trail, deep in thought, I came upon an object laying in my path. It was a red, plastic, cylindrical object about 4 inches long. I could see that there was a black switch on the side.
This is what it was:
Now, some of you might immediately know what this is.
Unfortunately, I did not.
My first thought was that it was a little flashlight. It made the most sense to me because our trail running group often runs in these woods at night…in the dark. We generally use a headlamp to shine our way, but many of us also carry small flashlights about this size because with just a headlamp, your depth perception can be awkward due to the shadows being cast…a second, lower handheld light helps with that.
But I also had a second thought about what it was. I thought that it was also possible that it was a “toy”…you know, of a sexual nature. Now, I have no idea what the heck that would be doing out in the woods…our trail running group just isn’t that kind of group! But, you never know. We’re certainly not the only ones who utilize the woods, and I’m sure running isn’t the only thing that goes on in them. We did find a bra laying at the side of the trail once during a group run.
So, I kicked it around a bit to see if I could get a better idea. In doing so, I notice the concave end, where it looked like a light might be beamed out of, so I concluded that it was, indeed, a flashlight.
I picked it up and casually flicked the switch on it to see if the light worked.
This is when I immediately determined that it was NOT a flashlight.
Unfortunately, it was also NOT a sex toy…that would have been the preferred alternative!
And that, my friends, is how an idiot pepper sprays himself!
Thankfully, it wasn’t a direct hit…I basically just walked into the cloud. But that was enough to abruptly end my run for the day, as I stumbled my way out of the woods.
At least I was no longer thinking about Trump.
Hey! Maybe there’s a market for that!
So, Night Owl question of the night: Have you ever done anything where you immediately realized how stupid it was but it was too late to not have to suffer the consequences?
What does it say about my life that I recognized pepper spray immediately?
Where I grew up, in a small town in northern Illinois, kids used whatever they could find when everyone gathered to play cowboys and indians. One particular day (I was 6 years old), I was allowed to join the older kids in an abandoned train car to act out our inner John Waynes, encircles by the savage indians.
My rifle was a lead pipe, as we never had enough toy guns to go around and the smallest kids got the short end of the stick, as it were. I remember sticking the “gun” out the window to shoot and an older kid outside grabbed it to pull it away from me. My big brother came over to assist in the recovery, so I got directly behind him for a good view of the tug of war. Of course, the kid outside let go and the pipe hit me square between the eyes.
Six stitches later, I was proudly showing off my war wound to the neighbor girl, who I was sweet on. I was so proud of it, but in reality, I was lucky to have an eyeball at all.
I have the half circular scar between my eyebrows to this very day.
We are laughing with you Steve, not at you…that would be wrong. I appreciate self deprecating humor.
Lt. Col. Ralph Peters describes Trump cult as couch potato anarchists.
https://youtu.be/xEh-jF8CHEQ