TNB Night Owl: Snark Attack Presents Rick Scott, and His Magical Mystery 11-Point Plan!

12 October Carp Tail (second version) Photo by Howard J.

So earlier this week Senator Rick Scott (Jerk Party, FL), presented his 11-Points of Light, um… 11 Contracts on America… 11 Marshall Plans… um, whatever the hell it is. It’s basically a rehash of every conservative talking point ever, with a bunch of stupid stuff thrown in for good measure.

And did I mention it’s a 61-page document? Don’t worry, though, because there’s plenty of pictures and big empty spaces (because MAGA folks have trouble reading small print), so it’s probably closer to 6 regular-sized pages. There’s also a lot of repetition, because, well, that’s how you indoctrinate people. Even still, it’s mostly a waste of time, which is where I come in. I plow through all the garbage and break it down for you, so you can point and laugh without having to endure any of the boredom.

If I went really in-depth into this document, it would require eleven articles, at a minimum. So tonight I’ll hit the high- (or in this case, very low-) lights, and if you want more, you can tell me in the comments. Deal?

So here’s a gem under Point 1 of the plan:

Public schools will teach our children to love America because, while not perfect, it is exceptional, it is good, and it is a beacon of freedom in an often-dark world.

Rick Scott’s 11-Point Plan, page 18

I don’t necessarily disagree with the sentiments in that statement, but in light of the events of this week in Ukraine, doesn’t it ring a wee bit hollow to be waxing poetic about how America is a beacon of freedom in an often-dark world when the GOP is busy out there telling us “Who cares about Ukraine”? Or worse, when Tucker Carlson claims Ukraine isn’t even a democracy? Or that Putin is justified in his attack, because the idea of Ukraine joining NATO is just too scary to be allowed?

Haven’t the events of this week proven that Ukraine quite rightly shoud’ve been invited to join NATO, since they were obviously in danger of being invaded from their dangerous neighbor, Russia?

Sorry, wrong rant…

In a nutshell, this is the problem with this entire document. It’s all about saying the right conservative-sounding phrases which will make the cult nod their heads in agreement, but how do you teach anyone to love America? Isn’t that something that comes from within? How do you convince anyone America is a beacon of freedom when quite a large number of people in one party think we should just let the rest of the world fend for itself when their freedoms are under attack?

Public schools will focus on the 3 R’s

Rick Scott’s 11-Point plan, page 18

The 3 Rs (It’s not possessive, but rather plural; so, no apostrophe. Maybe Senator Scott should get some grammar lessons?) are “reading, writing, and ‘rithmetic.” Basically, an elementary school education. Should we focus just on that in middle school? What about high school? Because if we do, we’re leaving out science, music, art, health, physical education, and more. But, hey, talking about just teaching the 3 Rs is a concept the rubes can get behind!

Point 2 has to do with “color blindness.”

When Senator Snot talked in his introduction about things the “militant left” plans to change or destroy, one of them was “color blindness.” I was like, “Wait, what? When did the left start waging a war on color blindness? And why is the right so intent on keeping it? Are trumpservatives going to destroy all those cool glasses that allow colorblind people to see the world more like the rest of us do?”

But no, what he meant was this:

Government will base all hiring decisions on qualifications, not quotas of any kind.

Rick Scott’s 11-Point Plan, page 22

I’m no fan of quotas, but right now, with the fight over who the next Supreme Court justice will be, we’re seeing firsthand what the right really means when they talk about color blindness and hiring quotas. The reality is America is a diverse place; we have people of many races living here. What’s wrong with making sure that everyone (or at least within reason, given there are only 9 justices who sit on the Supreme Court) has someone who represents their point of view and life experience? As a woman, I’m glad there are female justices on the Court. Why shouldn’t a black woman join them?

Now, I know what the counter argument about hiring for skin color or gender is; I know the objection is we want the most qualified person, regardless. But the reality is there are hundreds, maybe thousands of people who would be well-qualified to sit on the Supreme Court. Of those, would it be so bad to select from only those who are black women this one time? (The idea that Kavanaugh, Gorsuch, or Amy Coney Barrett were the most qualified candidates available at the time is a little more than laughable, anyway…)

Turning a blind eye and pretending there’s no difference in how some people are treated differently because of their skin color isn’t the answer; it will only make the problems they (and we as a nation) face worse. But when you’re a white man who doesn’t have to worry about being treated differently, well, you have the luxury to pretend no one else does, either.

Point 3 is about the police.

We will bring back respect for the people who put their lives on the line to keep us safe.

Rick Snot’s 11-Point Plan, page 26

Well, unless you put your life on the line protecting members of Congress and the Vice President from being murdered by a mob the Orange Dumbsicle sent to overthrow an election and illegally remain in power…

We will demand a nationwide crackdown on theft and violent crime by imposing stiffer penalties so we can restore law and order to our city streets.

Rick Snot’s 11-Point Plan, page 26

Unless those committing such crimes are republicans, in which case we’ll turn a blind eye or vociferously defend their actions.

Point 4 is about borders.

No one will enter without our permission. We lock our doors at night, not because we hate the people on the outside, but because we love the people on the inside and want to keep them safe.

Rick Snot’s 11-Point Plan, page 31

How do you lock a border? And are we sure the right doesn’t hate the people coming over our borders, because when Faux News starts spewing about caravans heading our way, they don’t sound like they like those people much…

Points 5 and 6 have to do with the economy and government.

One highlight here is that he wants to decrease the federal government by 25% over the span of 5 years. Sounds great! But what do you do about all the newly-unemployed federal workers? That’s a helluva lot of people who are going to need to find a new job.

Remember when I said there was a lot of the usual conservative talking points, with a bunch of stupid stuff thrown in? You just witnessed the former; now here’s one of the latter…

All federal legislation sunsets in 5 years. If a law is worth keeping, Congress can pass it again.

Rick Snot’s 11-Point Plan, page 38

The federal code fills a whole bunch of books. Now imagine if every single law in all those books has to be passed every 5 years.

Congress wouldn’t be able to do all that, much less all the rest of the work they legitimately must do, like pass a budget, declare war, or confirm judges and SCOTUS nominees. This is like reinventing the wheel every 5 years.

It’s stupid and wasteful.

Would it be a good idea to cull out outdated laws? Yes. Do you need to throw out every single law and pass only the good ones again to accomplish that? No.

Point 7 is about how the republicans are going to ensure we have “fair” and “fraud-free elections.” I shit you not. Seriously, this is among the most Orwellian examples of doublespeak I’ve ever seen.

We will fight for maximum voter participation and zero percent voter fraud.

Rick Snot’s 11-Point Plan, page 42

Unless you vote by mail or tend to vote for democrats, in which case, you’re shit outta luck. Oh, and for the record, in most states, it’s old white republicans who are the largest group that votes by mail.

I wonder which party will end up being hurt most by those recent changes to mail-in ballots?

Don’t even get me started on all the Trump supporters who’ve been charged with voter fraud in the 2020 election…

Point 8 is about protecting and defending the American family. He reprises a couple of elements from point 1 regarding education. Because maybe he forgot what he wrote back on page 18?

This is basically the abortion (against it!), adoption (for it!), and porn (really for it, but we’re going to pretend we really hate it!) point in the plan.

We must enforce existing federal obscenity laws. Our society has almost given up on demanding decency, we must aim higher.

Rick Snot’s 11-Point Plan, page 47

So we want to decrease the size of government, but we want the government to protect us and our chil’ens from obscenity? How many people are we going to need to be the porn police?

This seems like one of those instances where we should let families do the heavy lifting and leave government out of the equation. But what do I know?

Point 9 is entitled, “Gender, Life, Science.”

Because the religious right is known for their deep and abiding love of science. Like, you know, about viruses and junk. Oh, sorry… that’s yet another rant.

Basically, this is more on abortion (hate it!), adoption (love it!), and gay/trans people (nope!)

Another way of putting this is: this is the “we want smaller government but we want it to stick its nose into every nook and cranny of your personal life.”

Humans are born male and female, there are two genders, and to deny that is to deny science.

Rick Snot’s 11-Point Plan, page 51

Except in cases (rare though they may be) when someone is, say, born with two sets of genitalia. In which case, they don’t really fit that mold, do they? What do we do with those people? Or do we just pretend they don’t exist, because they don’t fit into our neat, little gender box?

Again, this is my problem with most of the document — Scott pretends that there are easy solutions to all these problems. If that were the case, why have we been stymied for decades by them? We are complex creatures, there isn’t a one-size-fits all solution to every problem. And if our solutions exclude certain people who don’t fit their square peg into society’s round hole, then haven’t we failed those who are falling through the cracks?

Point 10 has to do with religious liberty and big tech.

And, yes, now that you mention it, some of these points cover a weird amalgamation of topics…

Every American will be free to live out their religious convictions in the public square, not only in the home or a place of worship.

Rick Snot’s 11-Point Plan, page 54

Story time: I was raised in what some might call a non-traditional Christian sect. Now, this wasn’t a problem in the Midwest (where I spent my early youth), because nobody thought it their business to poke their nose into what your religious beliefs might be.

But when my family moved to Upper East Tennessee, this became a problem. In spite of the fact that the Supreme Court banned prayer in public school in 1962, prayers were routinely said over the loudspeaker at the beginning of each school day. They were said at the start of every football game. And every so often, we had a local preacher come give a sermon for school assemblies.

This is the world I imagine Scott is picturing when he says religion should be allowed a place in the public square.

So, yeah… not a fan of this.

Point 11 has to do with “globalism.”

We will treat our enemies like enemies.

Rick Snot’s 11-Point Plan, page 58

Unless you’re Putin, in which case we’ll act like you’re more Christian than Joe Biden…

Those are just a very few highlights of Senator Scott’s plan to rescue America! If you want me to do a deeper dive, let me know; otherwise, next week we’ll move on to some other dumb shit trumpublicans say.

As always, this is an open thread. Feel free to discuss your own snark or anything else your little hearts desire. Keep your arms and legs inside while the car is moving, and keep snarking, my friends!

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